Jump Start: Alignment
 |
| Gorgeous fruits and vegetables at the marché in Aix-en-Provence, April 2012 |
In response to my Jump Starts “preview” post a few weeks ago, an anonymous commenter made the following excellent point with regard to makeovers:
I think there is a difference in make-overs — like in Sabrina — that wasn’t a make over so much as it was the physical, external evidence of a change in Sabrina’s world. She had become more sophisticated — it wasn’t just a change in wardrobe — her life changed, she became more confident, she expanded her worldview, and her style of dress reflected her experience and her new confidence. That’s the type of ‘make-over’ that seems more authentic — one that reveals the person inside, rather than the make over that is designed to costume the wearer, designed perhaps to suit their body, or to suit trends, rather than reflect who they are.
This is one of the reasons I’ve become rather cynical about the concept of New Year’s Resolutions; often they are coming from a place of what we feel we should do, rather than being an organic expression of inner growth. It’s been my experience that changes only “stick” when they are in alignment with what’s in our hearts. It can sometimes be tough to sort out our own voice and values from those of family, peers, media, and culture. When we are at cross purposes with ourselves, lasting change is almost impossible. And negative motivators (guilt, shame) rarely lead to the kind of long-term change that makes the effort worthwhile.
Change, even the kind of change that’s a positive reflection of our inner selves takes effort, no doubt! And sometimes it requires some structure and establishment of new habits.
For some time now, I’ve felt that I didn’t look or feel my best, that my inner and outer selves weren’t in alignment, and have wanted to drop some weight. But for years I fought with myself, worrying that undertaking this effort (and acknowledging it) would somehow be a betrayal of my stance in support of self-acceptance and body diversity. It’s taken a while, but I’ve made my peace; ultimately there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel our best whatever that is, and each of us must determine her own comfort level and priorities and act accordingly. When I listened to my heart, the answer (for me) was clear.
Since early November, I’ve been tracking my food consistently using the Weight Watchers system. I’m wary of any regime that’s too restrictive, yet I function best with some structure and parameters. I’m down a few pounds, have a few more to go. While not effortless (this has required more meal planning and food prep), I’ve been surprised at how relatively easy it’s been, even through the holidays. The WW system is set up to encourage more consumption of fruits, vegetables and lean proteins, so I’m feeling well nourished, and am never famished. I’ve “automated” some of my meals (more on this in the next Jump Start installment) and I still enjoy a glass of wine most nights, and often a bit of dark chocolate. Even when I give myself a day off from tracking, I’m still more aware of what I’m eating. (I haven’t been a binge eater for decades now, but can still sometimes go unconscious when there’s a cheese plate in the room.)
An unexpected benefit has been the sense of order that having regular, planned meals has brought to my life. My eating prior to this had become a bit haphazard, and I’d often found myself skipping meals due to time constraints, or snacking from the vending machines at work. That bowl of oatmeal in the morning starts my day off in a less chaotic way. I find that I’m thinking about food almost not at all, outside of the planning/shopping process.
All of this has been a result, I believe, of getting out of my own way and acting in alignment with my beliefs and desires.
Have you found that you’re able to make changes more easily at some times than others? Have you needed to let go of some ideas or beliefs in order to move forward? Have you made any changes that had other, unexpected benefits?
~
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 United States License.
Stay in touch
Sign up to be notified of new posts and updates from une femme d’un certain âge.
This post is timely for me. I have always been a yoyo dieter, but within the last few months started implementing the WW strategies. When I am consistant, I DO feel better.
My husband passed away a little over a year ago, after a lengthy illness. This year I am working through rediscovering me.
We need to stop beating ourselves up over a supposed lack of willpower or self-discipline, and use techniques that take advantage of the latest in brain research.
Studies show that the problem with making changes is that our brains are constructed to have a limited amount of will power. Since most of us live lives that tax our will power reserves all the time — we have to get out of bed and keep to established work (or other) schedules, etc., all of which take will power — we have little of it left over with which to create new habits.
The big issue in forming new habits is overcoming our natural inertia, since inertia takes little will power and change requires much more. One author writes that a way to get our will power working on changes we want to make is to make it easier to do the newer behaviors than the older ones; for example, making healthier foods easier to reach or more convenient to prepare than unhealthy foods; taking the batteries out of the remote control for the TV but leaving books we want to read or exercise equipment nearby; and so on.
If we can delay ourselves from indulging in an old habit for at least 20 seconds, we can often overcome our inertia and switch to the new, desirable behavior. This helps us to create new neural pathways in the brain and gets us on the path to creating new habits. Another example: if you spend too much time checking your email or doing social networking, log out of these sites, and if possible, turn off your computer altogether. This makes it a chore to get back into the email or onto Facebook (let’s say), and delays the behavior long enough for you to focus on something else (that is, hopefully, more convenient for you to do).
This idea is related in Shawn Achor’s book _The Happiness Advantage_. I have no connection to the author, the publisher, or anyone else associated with the book, but I want to give credit where it’s due.
I agree about change and resolutions. I stopped making formal New Year lists many years ago, because they added stress and were therefore not helpful. For me change has to come from true motivation/awareness. I really admire your eating plan, it sounds so healthy and energizing. Best wishes to you in staying healthy and eating well!
I’m with you on no resolutions. And also on the changing habits. I’ve changed several over the past few years – slowly, slowly, slowly. You sound at peace, which is very nice to hear.
I find that haphazard eating on my part mirrors the introduction of chaos into my schedule–the move from classes to exam week; the shift from work to holiday freedom. I *like* schedules for purposes of nourishment and am glad to return to one tomorrow!
I have added some unwanted girth and I believe it is stress eating. I plan some major life changes this year starting with retiring from my current job in June. I want to get back on track and WW is a sensible regime. My weight is best maintained when I walk regularly as we’ll as watching what I eat and not skipping meals.
Good work on your part to be mindful over the holidays.
Sabrina’s change was an inspiration and I think as women we strive for this kind of positive transformation on many levels, personal and professional.
Thank you for the timely post!
I never make any verbal or even mental resolutions for a New Year. I don’t want to keep track of whether or not I’m living up to my preplanned expectations for the year. Walking the past few years has changed my life. I walk early every morning- 2-3miles. It gives me time to think my day thru while at the same time keeping my weight consistent. I never really put too much focus on what I do and don’t eat. I have actually lost weight with age so the myth of gaining weight as you get older doesn’t necessarily have to come true.
For me, I like New Year’s resolutions. I find the holiday down time gives me space to relax and thing about where I’m at and where I want to be.
I”m back on the weightloss wagon, using a free website, MyFitnessPal. I’ve done Weight Watchers will some success. MFP works on similar principals – you chose what you eat, log it all and any exercise and it works out where you are with fitting into your daily calorie goal.
Cheers,
Eleanorjane
It’s much, much easier for me to plan meals for myself than it is for women with partners and families, of course, and yet there are times when things fall apart! My “secret weapon” is to have a few things in the freezer that are easy to get on the table and good for me. My favorites are mixes of vegetables and sometimes little shrimp that you heat in a skillet with some olive oil and then add beaten eggs (1-2 per person), for a “revuelto.”
Here in Spain I can get them “pre-fab,” but with a trip to Trader Joe’s you could easily get the ingredients and “pre-assemble” in Ziplock bags. Try mixing quartered artichoke hearts, sweet peppers, and mushrooms in fairly equal proportions — I remember that my local TJs in PG always had them — and when you mix the eggs in, add a little grated Parmesan. That and a loaf of crusty bread make for an easy emergency supper, low on WW points and high on taste.
I moved back to Madrid because I missed the lifestyle and I have a lot of friends here, but the bonus benefit is that I’ve lost some weight because I eat like the locals — lots of little meals, with the biggest at mid-day — and I walk nearly everywhere.
Thanks for sharing – this will be a great addition to my what-to-eat list.
I forgot to list the onion and garlic, which you can add fresh (or chop up a few onions and freeze them) — mostly because I don’t eat anything for dinner that doesn’t include onion and/or garlic, so it’s automatic for me!
P.S. If you’re interested in reading more about how we can change, I recommend Robert Kegan’s book Immunity to Change. He knows his stuff.
Even if you aren’t watching your weight, meal planning smooths life out. You save money over last minute carry-out or restaurant meals, you avoid grumpy episodes due to blood sugars gyrations, and you have free time in the evenings because dinner can be served quickly. It’s a resolution that will increase the entire families well-being.
I needed to hear your thoughts. I’m a diabetic who is not handling the new regime well. Planning and keeping up with my physical needs has been lacking. I tend to go back to what got me diabetic in the first place. Your work is inspiring to me.
I have so much to say and will probably address most of it on my personal blog, because it has been such a difficult walk for me. I am now just striving for good health, which means that more weight HAS to come off, but the reason my first resolution is to be a turtle is that I am making progress…though it is not as quickly as I would like. I am a stress eater and coming out of a time of high stress, I did not eat as I wish I had. I also have returned to cooking once again for others and it is always difficult, because I cannot force them to eat the way I do. Once again pizza boxes are in the house and must be avoided by me. My resolutions have really become about maintaining lessons learned over recent years. They are more reminders than goals. I like the first comment you began with because that is what happened to me through my “makeover” which really became a search to find the me which I had lost over child rearing years. I think that is exactly what happened…I found the stronger me inside!!
Pam, when you say that you have to avoid pizza is it because you are on a gluten-free diet? You can buy gluten-free bases and then add whatever healthy toppings you like. I actually don’t like tomatoes, so I occasionally make pizzas at home for a quick meal: using a thick layer of tomato paste and meat on my husband’s pizza – and a very, very thin layer of tomato paste with lots of veggies and maybe some tuna on mine! I know I could use something like pesto instead of the tomato but I also know lycopene is good for you and obviously I don’t get much of it by avoiding tomatoes!
I was persuaded to go to WW many years ago by a friend at work (having moaned to her about how much weight I had put on over Christmas and New Year!) and I liked the flexibility it gave me. We used to run at lunch-time to save up extra points for our glass of wine at dinner! We both succeeded in losing the extra weight, so I do think it is a good system, especially in supporting you to eat healthily.
This year I am going to eat more healthily, cut out unnecessary sweet things but have the occasional square of dark chocolate, and as well as walking every day play some dance DVDs at home, which I enjoy. My husband and I don’t eat much fast food as we have both retired so we have time to plan and prepare meals, so it is easier for us. I actually prefer trying out new recipes (there are lots of websites on the internet that have healthy recipes) whereas John usually grills fish for me and meat for himself and serves with fresh veggies or does a stir-fry (another quick and easy meal!)
I am looking forward to the next episode!
absolutely true !!! new years resolutions are exactly what we think we should do, and don’t. but do we need a day to tell us how to change our lives ?
i need to eat more healthy as well. there was a time when I was super healthy and now, i can feel that i need that again !
happy new year to you !
http://www.alexavoncanisius.com/blog/
It often amazes me how oppositional, and how much that can cause me to get in my own way at this age. Those voices from childhood are still pretty loud in my head. I think the Sabrina analogy is great, and most importantly, true.
Bravo. Your approach to meals and eating sounds very healthy and sensible. Being on my own (widowed) it is fatally easy to slide into poor habits, grabbing easy-to-eat foods like cheese and crackers and skipping the veggies. Your post has helped me in my efforts to overcome my laziness about this.
Your Jump Starts are very timely for me in other ways. Two years into retirement, it feels like the right time for a personal re-assessment, losing a few pounds, having my colours re-done for my older self, wardrobe review, etc. Not a makeover, more wanting to move easily through my new life, still look good and perhaps, avoid some past mistakes. Your blog has been an enormous help to me in all this – both inspirational and practical (thanks for the pointer to Imogen Lamport’s site!) I’m hoping to discover a feeling of fresh confidence about how I look heading into 60 in another year.
Wishing you continued success on the WW program. I used it several years ago, and felt it was one of the best plans out there. While I was on it, I also read The Beck Diet Solution, which was more of a cognitive therapy tool than a typical diet manual. It really helped me reframe my thoughts about what I ate.
I like to pick nice specific goals, so that I can actually achieve them! I’m glad WW is working for you (as you may know, I work for them, having lost 50 lbs several years ago).
Happy New Year!
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions either. In order to make any substantial chage in your life, I think you have to be in the right frame of mind, truly ready for the change, and that doesn’t necessarily happen on Jan. 1. I have posted before about my weight loss; I had been overweight for probably 13 years, since my second child was born. I spent a lot of time berating myself for not losing weight, and tried-but-failed a few times. But apparently, I wasn’t ready (WHY is a good question I still don’t understand). However, about 1 1/2 years ago, after the death of my mother (who was living with me, and I was the full time caretaker), the switch finally flipped. I went to Weight Watchers and lost, so far, 54 pounds. Still need to lose 5 more to make it to goal, which is taking an excruciatingly long time!
But oh, how much better I feel! The wardrobe options! The joy in buying size Medium rather than XL. Not to mention feeling healthier. I had been telling myself, all those years, how much better I would feel if I lost the weight. And of course I was right, but I don’t understand why I didn’t do it sooner. I do suspect that after my mom died, and along with all the sadness came a sense of freedom, that it seemed like a turning point for my life. Our brains are hard to figure out, aren’t they?
—Jill Ann
Susan, I’m trying to make many of the same changes. My focus this year is on avoiding sedentary activities. Baby steps. You look pretty svelte to me by the way but I understand and support your goals.
I need to make some lifestyle changes due to a much slower metabolism than I had in my more youthful years. And yes, it IS a little easier for me to choose a date–like January 1 –to begin. I’ll be rejoining Weight Watchers which is such a healthy program (not a diet).
I love the pragmatism of this approach (and the observation relative to the Sabrina transformation).
During periods of extreme stress, a change in habits can be just what the doctor ordered (especially if it establishes or re-establishes healthy discipline of any sort). Unfortunately, during periods of extreme stress, that’s when it is most difficult to ditch the bad habits and replace them with good.
Still, this time of year I go for more organic and systemic changes – less win/lose oriented, and I do better with that in general. Unfortunately, there are always elements that are outside our control. Fortunately, we can get creative even when they crop up – if we’re truly motivated to encourage meaningful change in our lives.
This is soooooooooo good!!!!! so very many thanks my dear friend for a great inspirational post!
Cécile
Susan, what lovely self-care, infused with wisdom. I love the concept of alignment.
The consistently deadly impact of cheese trays on consciousness, though – the scientific community really needs to get to the bottom of that!
What a brilliant post. It’s like listening to a grown up talk about how she takes care of herself. Too often I’m a child wanting to have what I want without any effort. I totally agree that superficial changes don’t work; a genuine change in attitude has to occur in order to make new habits stick. I’m really looking forward to these jump start posts. I worked out ages ago that I wasn’t likely to ever really enjoy my clothes as long as I was 20 pounds over weight. My aim is to be in the middle of my healthy BMI range, not at the very edge of the top and teetering over in the holidays.
I along with the majority could stand to drop a few pounds. However, this year weight loss is nowhere in my resolution. Mine is simply to laugh more. 2012 was not my friend and I miss laughing.
I will blog about that subject tonight or tomorrow!
Good luck and I’m sure you will be fine with your decisions. If I didn’t think that I wouldn’t be reading your lovely blog!!!
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, but like you, I try to be self-aware and to be working towards who I want to be, making the corrections along the way.
Bonjour!
My young adult son has made his first New Year’s Resolution – to write down the funniest thing that happens each day. What a great way to revel in joy!
When this young adult son was born, my husband and I decided to get serious about meal planning. Each week one of us plans the meals and shops. The other unloads the groceries. Each week we alternate roles.
We also write the shopping list on an index card with the groceries shown on the card in the rough location they are found in the supermarket. Hmm, can you tell we are both highly visual – and engineers? All the best to you on your journey.
Excellent post and I think I will reread it a couple of times. I beat myself up all the time about my weight. I want to accept myself, but at times it is really, really hard. I too am a stress eater and the past few months have been rough on me stress wise. I am hoping to eat healthier and if I lose weight then that is the bonus.
Thank you for being here and writing such excellent posts.
Look, this is not a criticism. But why is everybody talking about weight and appearance? (God knows I’ve been there…)
Let’s talk about joy, and thinking, and reading and being kind, not just to other people but to ourselves. Could self aware include a laugh at the absurdities of being so serious?
This is in no way a criticism of your blog which I really like, it’s just that we have all become so earnest and maybe we are losing track of fun and joy?
Sue
Good for you! Maybe, in response to Sue (the commenter above me): we are talking about weight because overweight, especially at the obese level, is ever more a significant health issue, if you check the North American stats- and it’s harder to control as we age.
However, I cannot bear women who are obsessed with their weight, engage food as the enemy and talk about “being bad” if they eat a piece of cake. But “Une Femme’s” sensibility isn’t that whatsoever. As Pseu says, it’s about alignment and health. I’m a WW Lifetime Member; they taught me how to eat and it was worth every penny.
Hi Pseu!
I’m so happy to read:
>>>I’m feeling well nourished, and am never famished.
To me, that’s what eating should give us (along with pleasure — I know some can decouple these but I need both!).
I find when I drift from the “feeling well-nourished” part I am also disconnected from feeling nourished in other areas — emotional, creative, intellectual, etc.
It would definitely be easier to keep on track if I didn’t have to do the thinking ahead and/or prepping and/or creating part, but as you mention it’s so worth it. So until I get a Fairy Foodmother whipping things up to order I’ll keep getting back in the game.
Best wishes for a healthy and happy new year!