goings on chez nous
I’ve been hinting around at some big changes in the works around here. So here’s what’s going on regarding one of them: about three weeks ago we were offered placement for le jeune homme in a group home. Not just any group home, but the one that’s part of the same organization that runs his school, and was our #1 choice. But when these availabilities come up, they need to fill them fast, so we’ve been doing a mad scramble in the days since the offer was made to get all of the administrative and medical stuff (records, exams, blood tests) in order. Originally he was scheduled to move yesterday, but one little bit of information still needed to be verified. That came through yesterday, so now he’s set to move in on Wednesday, after school. One of his classmates will be his roommate, so that will be a nice bit of familiarity for him. The hard part is that we cannot have direct contact with him for the first 30 days (this is to aid transition and avoid confusion) but after that we can visit him there and also bring him back home every other weekend or so. The group home is about 45 minutes away (less during non-peak traffic times).
Mixed feelings? You bet. We’ll miss him, but this is something we all need at this point. For him: to help him become more independent, and hopefully develop some friendships and relationships with peers outside of the school environment. For us…well honestly we’re exhausted. He requires a pretty high level of care, interaction and supervision, and his behavior (though better than it was) can still be unpredictable in public so we’re very limited in what activities we can attempt with him outside the home. The older he gets, the tougher it is to find caregivers on weekends and evenings, so le Monsieur and I are often having to tag team on weekends to get grocery shopping and other outside errands done. His regular weekday caregiver who’s been with us for 18 years and watches him after school until I get home from work, and who has (up to this point) been willing to house-sit and stay with him so we can travel occasionally, is now getting ready to attend nursing school, which will be very demanding of her time and focus. (And we are cheering her on, and know she’ll do very well.) So, this comes at a good time and it’s a huge relief.
Hope you’re having a bon weekend!
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Big step for all of you! Wishing you a smooth transition and happiness to your son. It sounds like you found a good option for him.
Please be sure we wish him the very best in this new life.
Best wishes for all of you. Sounds like the timing was perfect.
This is a huge life changer for all of you. Even the best life changes are stressful, and that will be true for your family right now, even though clearly this is actually working out amazingly for the best! I hope you have lots of local support. We’ll all be cheering you on and thinking of you as you move into this new chapter of life!
On a side note, I hope someone has invited you to a seder. Actually, you are emerging from what has become quite a “narrow place” into new life freedoms. It will be a very meaningful Passover, no matter how you are able to observe it.
Sending a big hug. . .
I can only echo what has already been said – congratulations and ‘bon voyage’ to all of you !
I am so glad that the first choice place opened up for him. Whenever we have to entrust loved ones to anyone, it helps so much when you know you’ve done your best possible, and you can share that same feeling all around. He will sense your own trust in the system. All my love to you and yours, and wishing you all the best for the transition.
Susan this is good news that your first choice care facility/school is open to your son. Big changes for all of you. I wish you all the very best. Much love and support
Ditto what Lisa says, Sue. How lucky to find a place that so matches your requirements, and when you already know and trust the organization. Phew. Glad everything came together in such a timely manner. xo
It is wonderful that you have your first choice for care for your son. It will be a new stage of life for your son and you will probably miss him. Good luck with your transition!
Wishing you and your family all the best as you all enter this new stage of life.
How wonderful for all of you. Your son will flourish in what sounds like an excellent environment, and you will have room for your life while remaining involved in his. Best of luck in this transition.
All my best to you and your family, Susan! I admire you greatly.
How wonderful that your son will be in your first choice placement. I hear what you’re saying about mixed feelings. Don’t be surprised if you feel guilty about enjoying your newfound freedom, but try not to let that stop you from enjoying it. It sounds as though you and your husband have been wonderful and loving parents to your son for these past 18 (or more?) years, and you will continue to be wonderful and loving parents to him as he moves into adulthood, whether or not he is living with you. What a gift you are giving him to have found a living situation for him that is so appropriate. Best wishes to all of you, and I hope that you will all feel the positive energy that I and your other readers will be sending your way in this time of transition.
Susan! how exciting for everyone! I understand you mixed feelings completely, but what a big step for all of you! Kudos!
Dear Susan,
Ultimately this will be the best for all of you, but I understand the mixed feelings. I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing this with us.
You are so fortunate to have the choice you wished for your son, and to be able to move into a new phase of all your lives — more independence for him and for you. The 30 days will likely be a needed time for transition for you as much as for him; I know you’ll be going through many emotions, and suspect you will also really realize just how intense the planning for and responding to his needs was. All the best wishes to your family.
I have been reading your blog for awhile, but thought this news was worth commenting on! I know long it takes to get a spot in a group home, so congratulations! as a mom of a special needs child as well, I really admire all that you do.
I have many friends with teen children who will not be able to live independently, and the decision of what to do next can be all consuming. You are so fortunate that the right housing opportunity has become available for your son. I understand the mixed feelings, though. I am sure you will miss him, and it’s a huge life change for all of you. Good luck through it all, I hope it’s wonderful for him because then it will be wonderful for you, too. (Also, how fantastic that you’ve had the same caregiver for him for 18 years!)
From all of us who have had the pleasures, joys, anguishes and frustrations of caring for loved ones who’s needs are great, thank you so much for sharing this.
Mixed feelings, (which, in truth tend to be weighed more heavily toward guilt), need to be acknowledged and then gently packed away because you know that you are helping that wonderful person whom you have cared for to become even more wonderful.
Thanks – I read this at just the right time in my life!
I am a Spec.Ed. teacher with a few extended developmentally disabled family members. I know how hard it is to get a placement, let alone one that you desire! Good luck, God bless and it will all work out. It’s had to let go, but he’s in for great things, to grow, and for more then you can give him at this point. Make peace. After his initial time goes by it will be great. If he wants to come home ( and he wrenches your heart asking) think about all your friends whose children went away to college and initially want to come home. Same thing, same emotion. Kids are kids.
Best wishes to you all. I admire you so much.
May this new situation be as satisfactory for your family as a similar one was for our nephew and his parents! I rarely comment on blogs, but this post touched my heart. Blessings on all of you, including that amazing caregiver!
Mozel Tov! Bless you and your family at this time of transition. This is truly the next step in preparing Le Jeune Homme for an independent life. He’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, although there may be tears. Here’s hoping they are tears of joy.
I wish you the best during this transition. Even if you have some rough patches, hang in there!
What a blessing for you and your family. Happy for you all!
That is very good news. Hoping it will all work out beautifully.
What a significant life step for all of you – I hope the move is a positive one for your son; best wishes to you all during this big transition. I’m sure in a year you will look back and think “That was very tough; and it was the right thing at the right time”.
Best wishes and best of luck to you and your family. It is always hard when the little ones fly from the nest, and must be all the more so when you have given all kinds of extra care and thought to a child with special needs. The next stage will be good for all, I am sure!
Susan this is an exciting and nerve racking time for all of you I should imagine. My very best wishes to all three of you.
Change is hard. It sounds this is a good step for all of you however. Wishing you a good transition.
Susan,
Sending you support for this transition. Difficult as the process is, it’s the best for petit monsieur,and for you. I have distant relatives who were determined not to place their late adolescent child. She is now 20 and utterly unmanageable and they are completely exhausted. It would have been so much better for everyone if they had been realistic about her needs five years ago. How fortunate you are to have such an excellent placement at the right time for all of you. I hope you, LM and PM fully enjoy your newfound freedom and space.
Such huge changes! Wishing you and your family a smooth transition.
My very best wishes for your family as you work through this huge transition.
Best wishes to all three of you as you embark upon new ways of being a family.
Sending you love my friend. This seems like a good and logical transition for all of you.
Wishing you all ALL the best!
Susan you are an inspiration and have chosen the best option.
I wish you the same. May it all go smoothly, and I hope he settles in quickly and is very happy. ~~Dee
My heart goes out to all three of you. These decisions are never easy.
Best wishes on your transitions!
Sending you a hug. X
Wow. Thank you for sharing. I would imagine you are exhausted. I hope you treat yourself to some relaxation/fun/contemplative time soon. You are amazing.
so fitting that these changes are coming in spring…time for planting and new growth…..all the best to you, your family, and your (i’m assuming, wonderful) caretaker.
What a good and healthy transition for you all. I do understand mixed feelings and my love goes out to you and your family. xox – Patti
Wishing you all the best as you make this transition…xoxo
Susan,
You have obviously lived a full and productive life and managed to enhance the lives of others–I know mine–with your blog. You have done this under challenging circumstances. I will be saying prayers for your son, and your family, as you navigate this transition to new circumstances, and especially during the initial period. I wish you all the very best.
Big changes indeed! Best wishes for everyone in these new endeavours, I hope there will be wonderful new opportunities for all involved.
Susan, I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, partially because somehow just knowing that your family includes a son with special needs AND that you find time to blog about fashion and travel is inspiring! You helped me to take the plunge and indulge in a few weeks in Italy with my 15 year old who is on the autism spectrum last summer. We did well and are going back this summer. Thank you for sharing this transition. I blink back a few tears and send wishes and support for this transition. Bonne Chance!
I am wishing your family all the best. It is clear that your son has parents who do absolutely all the good things for him. It will be hard to change, but sounds like such a good and healthy transition to a bigger world.
So happy for you getting your first choice. This must be a relief. Of course, this must also be a conflicted time for you all. Change always is. But growth is exciting, Wishing the best to you. your husband and son.
Hope all goes well as your son transitions into his new home…you may have some “empty nest” feelings which is quite common when children move away. I know it took me some time to get used to the idea but once you adjust there is a new found freedom which is a refreshing change.
Take care and I just want to say how much I enjoy your blog…you are a very dedicated blogger and so creative. I love it when a new post pops up on my computer.
My dearest Susan, xoxox
Best wishes to all three of you. Transition is hard, but I know you’ll get through it. Zissen Pesach to you, too!
Dear Susan,
I don’t know all the details as I am new to your blog. But I wish the very best for your son in his new environment. I am sure this is the best solution for your situation, and that you will miss him.
Congratulations on having the wisdom and resolve to allow your son to move to a more independent world. Having worked with developmentally disabled people, I have seen how some independence effects them positively. As a mom, I understand the mixed feelings.
This will be a blessing for all of you. When my mother let my sister go to a group home, their lives changed for the better! God bless you all.
Wishing you and your family the best during this transition and after. I hope your son enjoys living with his peers.
It takes great love to accept the vulnerability that comes with letting one’s child grow and go, especially when he has special needs. Know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers during these next weeks. You are an inspiration, and your son is indeed fortunate to have such wise parents.
both Paul and I wish you and both your messieurs all the best in this transition. We remember fondly that visit over dinner when one of your guys was Le Petit Monsieur. . . xo
Late seeing this due to issues of my own! You have carried a heavy load for many years & borne it out of a great love- now spread your wings at last knowing what is good for you is also good for your son! Keeping you close to my heart Wednesday & weeks to come!!❤️
I wish you and your family all the best in this difficult time of transition. It’s hard to see the nestlings launch, but it sounds like you’ve found an excellent place for your son.
So happy you got your first choice, and that you feel this will be the best solution for all, although I know how hard it must be as well.
I admire you tremendously, you have so much energy and strength.
Transitions are always hard as your children grow to adulthood; all the more hard when that child has special needs. It sounds like this is the very best possible choice for him, and I am happy for you that it all came together, even if that has had to happen in a rush. (In an odd way, this is like finding that the long awaited apartment in the assisted living facility of your choice now has space for your in laws, and you must decided by 5:00pm whether to take it…been there, so many unknowns). The change in life style is profound whenever a member of the household changes, and there is both happiness and sadness in any such change; coming home to a house without a child in it is wrenching the first few times, but this time was destined to come whether your son was going to the group home, or to Harvard.
I hope that it goes well, both in the near and short term, and wish the very best for you and your family. we will be here to listen, you know that.
I’m sure he will do great, especially since he will be with familiar people. My older brother (both autistic and developmentally disabled) lives in a group home about as far from my parents, brother and I as you describe your situation. We see him frequently and one of us usually gets a call from him every day (he prefers to talk to my brother or husband, whom he calls “The Fonz” and “The Movie Star”, respectively, snort). He’s a 56 year old man with a social life and a really good thing going at the training center he attends. He even has a girlfriend. His life would be so much less rich if he lived with my elderly parents. As my mom always says, “what grown man lives with his parents?” I think you will all benefit from this transition — strength to you during the first month. Your family’s new normal will soon realign itself to everyone’s benefit.
Best wishes for your family during this transition.
Just adding my warmest good wishes for happier times for all of you. It sounds like the right decision at the right time and for all the right reasons.
wishing you all the best with this new transition, I hope it all works out xxx
Susan, I’m sorry that I’m so late to send you some encouragement and love; you know you’re making the right choice, but that never means that your feelings are simple and straightforward. You and your husband have done amazing work, for years, with your son; he’s ready to move on, and you deserve a well-earned rest. It will work out well, I have all faith and confidence!
love, and lots of hugs,
Janice
I too am joining the others in wishing you and your family the very best in this life-changing moment for all of you. I have faith that it will work out well for everyone and I offer my encouragement & support.
Sam
My very best wishes to you and your family. May you have only blue skies ahead and plain sailing.
Oh! What wonderful news– for everyone. I’ll hold good thoughts for you and your family Susan. So grateful!!
I will offer thoughts and prayers for all of you on Wednesday April 20. You are an inspiration to all who face challenges with children. Blessings,
Pat
Adding my voice to the chorus of well-wishers. May this be the start of a wonderful new chapter in all your lives.
Yes, my thoughts will be like many of the others. I’m thrilled. It is very important for people with disabilities and challenges to have as much autonomy as they can manage, and in this case to be living with other young adults.
Of course it will be hard, but the alternative of being elderly people trying to take care of a middle-aged man with such challenges is not a happy one.
I am a relatively new reader, but enjoy your blog so much! I admire your sense of style, as well as your grace in handling everything life throws at you. You are truly an inspiration! Best wishes to your son, your husband, and you as you embark on this new chapter in your life.
I am sure you have both made the best choice for your son. Transitions are not always easy especially where our children are concerned. We love our children and at some stage we have to let them go to live the lives and become the people they are meant to be My thoughts are with you and wish you all the best.
I have been a lurker on your blog for a while, but this post compels me to finally comment. But what to say? First, I would like to thank you for sharing your personal life on the blog. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think one of the reasons I read your blog is that you make it clear that there is a real person behind the photos and pretty clothes. So even though my life is quite different from yours, I feel a human connection, which I appreciate. But I’m also writing to express sympathy for the difficulty of what you, your husband, and your son have been going through, and admiration for how you handle it all. Best wishes to all of you, and please do continue to provide updates on the blog.
Kristi
Your whole family has my good wishes. I also want to thank you for talking about your son over the years. What a huge work you are doing towards erasing the stigma around having a child with special needs. Thank you so much.