Paris – les gens, la culture

In which une femme attempts to answer the question, “how would you compare the people and culture of France to those of the U.S.?”

Honestly, this is a tough question to answer. We’ve been tourists in Paris twice now, each time for a few days. We’ve had a rarefied experience: staying in nice hotels, visiting museums and gardens, shopping in boutiques and galleries, and eating in cafes and restaurants, most of which were recommended by others who have visited before. It’s hardly what one could consider an immersion in the culture and my impressions are mostly snippets, so those are what I’ll share.

Actually, for probably the best take on Les Parisiens, you should check out the Stuff Parisians Like blog, written by Olivier Magny, whom I missed meeting in New York by just about an hour…cursed prior plans! Funny aside: the driver who picked us up at the CDG airport when we arrived in Paris immediately launched into telling us about the fabulous Picasso exhibit at the Grand Palais.

(One more note: I know that any population is comprised of individuals, many of whom cannot fit into broad generalizations. I’m speaking from my own impressions and experiences, and do not mean to offend anyone whose experiences and view may differ.)

A sense of history and context. Here in the U.S., we tend to hold fast to the concept of unlimited possibility (even when it gets us in trouble, right Wall Street?), and tend to value the shiny and new over the well-worn and lived-in. Walk around Paris, and it’s almost impossible not to be imbued with a sense of history, and I have to believe that growing up and living with that every day results in a different view of the world. It seems to me that Europeans have a much deeper sense of history, of their place in a broader community, of limits to expansion of power and accumulation of wealth, and of the fact that we’re all sharing the same sandbox and need to play nice, or at least work out our squabbles. Europeans have lived many centuries with the understanding of limited resources, and are far less wasteful.

Education, kids and dogs. Walking through the Musée Cognacq-Jay (which houses among other things a fabulous collection of 18th century paintings), we turned into one gallery to find about 20 preschoolers sitting quietly in a circle listening to a teacher talk about the paintings. There were no cartoon characters, nothing flashing or playing music, and these kids were listening attentively. It makes me think that we tend to underestimate young kids’ intelligence and attention spans, but regardless I’ve never seen anything like it here. At the Musée JaquemartAndré I watched as a boy who appeared to be about 7 or 8 years old listened intently to his audio guide as he regarded one of the 18th century portraits. Expectations seem to be higher for kids when it comes to behavior, and the same is true for dogs, who are allowed in restaurants and shops. Dogs sit quietly on a chair while their masters enjoy a meal or cup of coffee. Perhaps because they’ve been allowed everywhere, they don’t run around trying to sniff (or pee on) each corner or post. (And now that there are fines, Parisians themselves have become better behaved about picking up the merde du chien!)

Materialism, clothing. As many have mentioned, quality trumps quantity in Paris. That doesn’t mean everyone is strutting around in designer clothing, but most Parisian apartments don’t even have closets (rather clothes are kept in armoires) no one is able to accumulate a lot at once. You also don’t see much flashy jewelry (though the chunky rough stone and bead necklaces still seem to be popular) or bling-y clothing or handbags (exception: subtle metallic leathers). Refrigerators are small, so no Costco-size cartons of soft drinks.

Time. I had to remind mon mari that the waiter will not bring l’addition (the check) until you indicate you are ready for it. Even if you sit at a busy cafe with an empty coffee cup, no one will rush you. Working Parisians seem to take time for leisurely lunch, even enjoying a glass of wine, dessert and coffee. I don’t know if most workers are paid hourly or are salaried, but no one seemed to be rushed or checking their watches. I’ve heard that this is changing, and that more Europeans are getting into our bad habits of eating lunch at their desks, or wolfing down food on the run.

Guilt, satisfaction vs. gratification. It’s long been une femme’s contention that Americans tend to be a guilt-ridden lot who don’t allow themselves to fully experience satisfying, pleasurable experiences (and nowhere is this more true than when it comes to eating). Hence we’ve become gratification junkies. We deny ourselves good bread with butter and binge on crappy fast food. We tell ourselves that lovely cashmere cardigan is just too expensive and buy a bunch of cheap acrylic crap that itches and falls apart after a few washings. We want it NOW, we don’t want to wait, when actually savoring the anticipation and finally getting just the right thing would be far more satisfying. A Sunday stroll through the park, an espresso sipped at a sunny sidewalk table, a bite-sized chocolate that is heaven on the tongue…the French seem to understand that little daily pleasures are necessities. (The movie Chocolat also makes this point quite succinctly.)
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26 Comments

  1. I’ve seen that same scene you describe with small children seated on the floor in front of a painting listening intently as an instructor tells them about its provenance and composition, asking questions about what is depicted and getting thoughtful answers — not only does more seem to be expected of these children, but growing up with this exposure to art, which is taken for granted as necessary and good, surely stakes out some clear social expectations. I often think, as we walk Paris streets, that the other form of schooling these children receive every day is one in proportion and regularity and the contribution both make to aesthetic pleasure — the Hausmannian regularity of streets and architecture must etch themselves into a Parisien’s being from the first days in a stroller.

  2. I loved going on museum field trips with Chiclette when she was in maternelle (kindergarten) in a french public school. They would take the kids on specially guided tours of major exhibitions (limited in scope and length in keeping with their ages) and then have an atelier where the kids could practice the technique they had just viewed. Incredibly enriching — for me as well!

  3. I love learning about other cultures. I think it is easy to criticize ourselves as Americans when compared to other’s and most of the time rightfully so. There are some things that I’ve read about in France that I wouldn’t care for. Two things; Parisian women don’t smile, and they don’t connect easily to new women. I like to smile because I love people, and I like to make other people feel loved, so it would be very difficult for me to shut our others that way.

    I do really like the way that they value quality over quantity, and that they have an appreciation for living the everyday moments.

    I guess I’m not so American as I don’t feel guilty at all for liking to pamper myself, and wanting quality.

  4. Our family from Provence came to visit and their mouths dropped to see the size of our refrigerator. Our cousin, Clement, teased about how there were not more cars with stickshifts in America because we need two hands in the car to also eat the hamburger from McDonalds. I totally believe that Americans have to have it bigger and faster…and so often miss out on the things that need to be taken slowly and savored.

  5. From my own experience – on the category of “Time” – having once worked for an international media company – dealing with the French office was a nightmare. I am sure that the reduction in stress and deadlines was a blessing to their joie de vivre (and waistlines) – but as a business model – it was a nightmare. We basically did our jobs – and theirs too, as they were off having lunch for hours. Nothing ever got done on time. And this was with a staff that already had much much more holiday leave than the US branch. To put it plainly – they took advantage for their own benefit. They also mocked us for eating at our desks when they visited the US office (as typical American workaholics)- not acknowledging that they in fact were the reason we had to do so.

    Not all businesses operate this way, this was just the one instance, but the French are changing habits because this type of leisurely day just does not work for business.

    There were a few stories on France perhaps going bankrupt due to some of it’s business policies in 2007 – before the current crisis. I wouldn’t turn down a month of vacation though….

  6. You reminded me of something that made me smile – I too had to remind my husband to ask for the check when we were dining out in Dublin – as our waiter was French. My husband wouldn’t, thinking that he would come round. It was actually a little funny, this stubborn test of wills (of which the waiter was completely unaware). Maybe it’s an American man thing 🙂 I found it amusing.

  7. materfamilias – interesting thoughts about the total immersion that Parisian children must experience. I wonder if classical art would have the same resonance for say, LA city kids, who don’t have the same frame of reference.

    Benson – yes, our “bigger is better” thinking gets us into trouble in so many ways…

  8. Thank you Deja- I guess I was the one interested in your views as an American about the life style in Paris ( in EU). Your opinions satisfy me completely! I have not been to Paris nor have I visited USA,but I, as an European, feel this side of the globe my own. The American way of living has become familiar to me through media and I also have a friend living there and lots of people that I know have been there, so it´s like having experienced it myself. Yes, this is what used to be called the` old world ´with a long history. You successfully found the obvious. Thank you once more.

  9. miss janey – it was a wonderful experience. Even though Paris is a bustling city, and we were trying to do a lot, it still was rather relaxing to be there.

    metscan – you’re very welcome. It was an interesting topic to think and write about.

  10. Meg – personally I think the legendary animosity between the French and Americans has been highly exaggerated. People may be more formal, but everyone we encountered was friendly and helpful, once we made the initial effort to greet them, “Bonjour, Madamme/Bonjour Monsieur.”

    Chicamericaine – that must have been so much fun for you! And how advantageous for Chiclette to have been exposed to so much culture and history at such an early age.

  11. Julianne – yes, every culture has it’s good and bad points. It’s true that Parisians don’t seem to smile randomly at strangers, but people we engaged in shops and the like were very friendly and did smile. I think here in the US we have an easier familiarity with strangers, whereas the French are more formal.

    LBR – it does seem that way, doesn’t it? Reading Polly Vous’ blog, I know there are daily aggravations that probably affect that quality of life a bit, but it does seem that the French have achieved more balance than we have.

  12. hollarback – I’ll bet that was incredibly frustrating. I’ve never had to conduct business with French companies, but I’ve heard the same thing before. I think there must be a happy medium between the classic American workaholic attitude, and the laissez faire French approach. Maybe both cultures can work toward finding that middle ground.

    Oh, and speaking of waiter stories, when I was quite a bit younger and married to my first husband, we were travelling in Central America. When we were dining together, waiters would ignore me completely, but would be there in a nanosecond if he so much as looked up. He’d be reading the paper and ask me to flag the waiter to get him more coffee or whatever, but they would never make eye contact with me, which he refused to believe.

  13. Oh! I’m so jealous! I can’t wait till my husband and I can travel Europe some day. We’ll definitely have to make a long stop in France.

    My mom went a few years ago to visit my sister while she was stationed there in the Air Force. They were both extremely impressed, especially with the more rural areas where they said that people could not have been any nicer. It was especially welcome since the media here had been talking so much about the level of distrust, and even hate, between the French and Americans.

  14. There are many things to love about living in the U.S.–but there are so many things about quality of life and quality over quantity that I really aspire to. I just watched the movie “Sicko” this weekend and the health insurance, the education, the 5 weeks of vacation as well as all of the reasons you mention make me think that the French really have a higher quality of life than many Americans—even though the average French person’s income is $45K. The French seem to know that money is not what is required for a rich and satisfying life.

  15. Having just spent a few days in Paris, I’ve loved reading your impressions during and following your trip. Your fashion notes exactly confirmed what I noticed myself – including those unfortunate rabbit vests! Regarding your points about culture, I think most of the characteristics you mention are, regrettably, more French than European – for instance, I’ve always been amazed and delighted by the way in which petits enfants are able to behave so well and show such genuine interest and good manners in galleries and restaurants. So glad you got to the Jacquemart Andre – I missed it (and its Van Dyck exhibition) this time, choosing to go to the Mantegna exhibition at the Louvre instead. Ah well, another time –
    Rosemary

  16. Very interesting article Deja Pseu, and sensitively and well thought out too! I know I’m going to be thinking about this all day, particularly the “Guilt, satisfaction vs dissatisfaction” one. A lot of people don’t stop to think about why they want things, they just get them.

  17. cybill – so true. I think one of the good things about travelling to different countries and cultures is that it helps one examine (and maybe refine) one’s values and sense of entitlement.

    Rosemary – the Van Dyck exhibit was fabulous. I’m really glad we got to see it, but we missed the big Picasso exhibit at the Grand Palais. Oh well, one can’t do it all.

  18. I have very much enjoyed your comments and thoughts on your recent trip. To diminish regret on not seeing the Picasso exhibition … you might enjoy Michael Kimmelman’s piece in today’s online NYTimes.

  19. “I think there must be a happy medium between the classic American workaholic attitude, and the laissez faire French approach.”

    That would be my ideal. One of the reasons I eventually walked away from that job was the insane (typical US) workload. A happy medium between the two would be perfect. Or Scandinavian 🙂

    I would even just take the weeks of vacation, and call it a deal :))))

  20. Hi Pseu,
    I like the way you idealize too much Paris !
    Because you love this town ! Yes, Paris is a town of history … That’s true.
    I like big cities.
    Every day I mesure my chance to be there (I was born in Paris like my grand-parents).
    When you stay around “rue du Bac” you see one of the faces of Paris. But Paris have numerous faces you know … like all big cities (Paris is not so big … ).
    What you describe is more or less about privileged people. Ok ! Teachers and children are going to museum exhibitions (Not all of them !). It’s important … very important. When I was 9-10, my mother was taking me to Modern Art Museum. But trust me, It’s not the way most of people do.
    Do you know that 20% of 11 years old children in highschool are unable to read and write correctly ? They just use SMS writing like with a cell-phone.
    What do we do about that ? Nothing !
    When you climb up to Sacré-Choeur and Montmartre, you see how little Paris is and you realize that everything depends of your point of view.
    At this time the problem for people is rather to try to find a job or to keep it, if they have one.
    Most important, I like to read your blog when you post about Paris. Because You see Paris with the eyes of Love. Like me !

    Fred the Mole

    Easy Fashion Paris

  21. Laurel – thanks, I had a chance to read that piece yesterday. Don’t feel like I missed much now.

    Hollarback – can we make that three weeks of vacation??

    Fred – it’s true I do idealize Paris too much. But I’ve only seen the best parts so far!

  22. I absolutely loved this post. I went to a French Magnet school (full immersion) when I was young, and our teachers, being Belgian and French, had us take field trips to the large art museum in our city, as well as the Symphony and plays. It was an invaluable experience, and one I plan on doing for my children as well.
    I also agreed with you about the “I want it now” problem. I am saving up for the Gerard Darel bag and I know I am going to appreciate it so much more than if I just bought a cheaper version. At 23 I get odd looks for my decisions of quality versus quantity, but I know that in 20 years my cashmere and leather and silk goods are still going to be classic and look good!

  23. Hi Pseu- I replied from Paris but see my comments just did not make it to you here. I agree with much of your post. One of the driving forces in the French is a sense of patrimony, of the deep value in preserving the culture. Occasionally pride veers towards arrogance or stuffy conformity, as it can in any of us who over identify with past glories. But the overwhelming effect is of deep respect for the remarkable achievements, talents, bravery and sheer creative life force of past and present contributors.