Encore: Near Misses
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| UN-Reality TV! |
We found out while on our way home that we’d dodged a bullet in Florence: just a few days after we left, the cast and crew of the reality show “Jersey Shore” had shown up (in a big way) for a few weeks of shooting for the next season. Pre-scripted drinking, brawling and scrapes with the police were the order of the day.
I know for some it’s a guilty (or not) pleasure, but I’ve never been able to watch most reality TV shows, other than the HGTV yard makeover type, for more than a few minutes before I start to squirm with discomfort and empathetic embarrassment and have to change the channel. I seem to be in the minority; there’s a substantial audience out there who just can’t get enough of flamboyant people behaving badly (or at least with a level of drama out of all proportion to the situation). I have to wonder about young women today who have grown up consuming this kind of programming which may have the effect of normalizing what once was considered outrageous behavior (and not just on the part of women, men too). Andy Warhol, it seems, was right, and I wonder about these shifting norms as people continue to up the ante just to be noticed. Sometimes it seems that a toddler-like mindset of saying, grabbing or doing whatever we want in the moment is not only exhibited, but endorsed in entertainment media and spills over into our culture in general.
But, without alleging any sort of carefully crafted conspiracy between media and advertisers, I think one effect of the conditioning on our brains to escalating stimuli is that we begin to crave more new and shiny things, more excitement, and this dovetails with an increasingly materialistic yet throw-away consumer culture. We want more, brighter, bigger, the next new thing, and we want it NOW. We’re a population of instant gratification junkies. And a plethora of options for cheap, trendy, disposable clothing have sprung up to cater to this mentality.
I’m not immune to this pull either. Long time readers of this blog may recall that I’ve declared my intention many times to quit buying “junk food clothing” and upgrade my wardrobe with fewer, but better quality pieces. This hasn’t been easy. I’ve realized to what extent my buying habits are fueled not only by the high of something new and shiny, but also by fear of deprivation. “I’ll never find another pair of jeans that fit.” “I’d better buy a backup in case this one wears out and I can’t find another like it.” It’s fun, but it’s also reassuring to buy the same cardigan in three different colors. (OK, so maybe it’s just a question of degree between me and the folks on “Hoarders”…)
Training myself out of the habit of over-consumption and overriding the magpie part of my brain has required constant vigilance, and application of the “do I love it?” and “does it add the the quality of my life?” criteria to any potential wardrobe purchase. It’s harder to hold out for those few things that meet the higher standards, but slowly, the mindset does seem to be taking hold. Lately I’ve found myself walking away from Near Misses far more often than making regretted purchases. (You wondered where I was going with this, didn’t you?) And while there’s some disappointment each time I don’t skip out of the store with buyer’s high, the feeling of satisfaction of sticking to my guns outweighs the gratification of something new.
Intentions are good, but changing beliefs and behaviors takes practice, and yes, discipline, a word that sometimes seems old-fashioned in our world of instant fame and instant gratification. Discipline isn’t flashy and sometimes isn’t fun. But while intentions may be the fuel, discipline is the engine that takes us where we want to go.
Have you made a decision to change your consumption habits? How is it going? What strategies are working for you?
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Wow, I couldn’t agree with you more on everything you’ve written here. I was just lamenting with my SO on the subject of reality tv – I too can’t bear to watch and fortunately my kids are too young however their friends seem to be allowed and it is doubly hard to keep them grounded under peer pressure.
For myself, at the beginning of this year, I made the commitment to acquire much, much less because after 2 years of doing my own closet audit, I realised I had everything I am ever going to need to wear or carry!! Anything new would have to be a replacement for something worn out or an upgrade to a style even better suited to me and my life. It has been very hard but oh so worth it! The strategy that works the best so far is keeping a shopping list of things I need to plug any gaps in my current closet or for a replacement. The list is tiny! This means I am much less susceptible to being sucked into sales because if it’s not on the list, I don’t need it. I don’t need it whether it’s full price or 70% off! The only place I am really allowed to shop with abandon is in my own closet 🙂
I recently came across Bea Johnson,s blog Zerowastehome.
I think I will use her house as inspiration and motivation. I have set a limit on clothing purchases. I am on a quest for brown boots. That’s it for the next three months. Wish me luck , because I like to shop.
Karen
I too decided to cut back on shopping. My closets are packed with clothes, my cabinets crammed with china and there is no place on my walls for another piece of art or an empty slot in a bookcase for another book. But when I made an austerity pledge, I really missed shopping. Scary. Anyone else feel the same way or am I a future episode of Hoarders?
Timely post for me. In October I started what I call my Mt. Everest Project. I have chosen not to purchase any RTW clothing, I sew. If I don’t sew it myself, I don’t have it. I have a large wardrobe, I don’t ‘need’ anything. I was mining the end of the closet for something to wear to an event tonight and found several items, bought in the last few years because they were on sale! Never worn. In addition, be still my heart, I was online at the same storefront, on the Sale + 50% page, racking up purchases!! I stopped and let my Mt. Everest mind-set take over and I deleted everything! Saved lots of $, eliminated duplicates (yes I was picking up duplicates of items already in the closet because I like them) and feel much better. My next post to read was this one, like i said Timely!
Like Corrine, I made a commitment earlier this year to sew more and buy less. It originally stemmed from an intense dissatisfaction with the quality and fit of RTW that I was finding in the stores. I also figured that if I took the time to pick out a pattern and fabric and sew the garment together, I would be much less likely to freely add it the donate pile in a fit of closet purging; thus, I’d better be sure about the color, style, fit, etc. of the garment. So far, it has been an amazingly positive experience. Without saying anything to anyone about having sewn the garment, I receive oodles of compliments on my efforts and people are amazed when I tell them I made it myself. I am enjoying much better fit using the pattern sizing, which is still the same as it was years ago. I find myself more easily embracing the concept of capsule wardrobes, too, because it is easier to find fabric in the specific colors you need than it is to find clothing in the stores. Now, instead of watching for retail sales, I watch for fabric store sales to purchase supplies for my sewing plan.
I can’t abide those Jersey Shore type reality shows. Tacky. That being said, I do like a good makeover show! What Not To Wear, restaurant makeovers, I’ve even been known to watch a hoarder show during a bout of insomnia (There but for the grace of God go I…). Guess they’re not really much less tacky.
I am still fighting the urge to over-consume, especially clothes and books. My husband doesn’t struggle with the same issues and my 22-year-old son has been crusading against consumerism and making me more aware of my bad habits.
Blogs like yours are inspiring me to shop more thoughtfully and to buy fewer items of better quality.
Oh, what a fantastic post!!!!
I hear you and agree with ALL of it!
I really really try to buy quality and ask myself “do I need it? do I really love it?, is it timeless?”
I don’t always succeed but I’m trying….
Wishing you a wonderful weekend!
I am trying to stick with what works for me when it comes to makeup in the New Year. If I find a product I really love, I am going to stick with it rather than waste money on something new. Clothing is a little tougher. In the New Year I would like to buy items that will get a lot of use. Unfortunately, I already bought something that was a totally unnecessary item of clothing that will probably be sitting in my closet unused. Those kind of purchases I want to try to avoid this New Year.
I’ll add my voice to those who agree with your post. I’ve never been a consumer per se. I think it’s because for years and years I had to be so careful with money. Mistakes were disaster! (Not that there weren’t some memorable ones.) As dry and prim as “disciplined” may sound to some, it means a lot to me. It means setting my standards very high. Hence no reality tv. I’ve never heard anyone put it so well: the embarrassment of watching trashy shows, the squirming, the feel that something’s in my home that I don’t want there! Not my type of guilty pleasure. Now let me see, there are some, but they are mostly edible. Like potato chips. Thanks, Pseu. You really are quite wonderful.
Susan, I feel the same way you do about those reality shows. As for spending, I’m in the minority under-consuming, but it’s more to do with stress than virtue. Too much stuff increases my stress.
Yes, I, like you, buy less and of better quality. I also keep the receipt and box for awhile and try things on in different moods, just to make sure. I do buy backups though of certain things like tee shirts and jeans. I have never seen a reality TV show, don’t think I’d like it. In fact, I never watched TV in recent years until I got hooked on Downton Abbey, and that started me on a few series like Homeland. I am curious to see some of the celebrity chef shows though – our kids watch them like crazy. Have to learn how to use the TV though, it takes 3 remotes. What a rambling comment.
I could reiterate what everyone has said here. I am a sewer as well, and have decided that, aside from bluejeans and underwear, winter coats and t-shirts, I will make all my clothes. I also knit, so my needles will be my sweater source.
One of the happiest times in my life was when I was a student living in Aix-en-Provence, with a very limited wardrobe. I had very good pieces, that I wore over and over, yet had fun with scarves and make-up and nail polish…they provided some variety.
Tracy, I too am a sucker for make-up. Regularly I think that the perfect lipcolor will make me a happier or more beautiful person…It’s an addiction.
You’ve touched on many of the things I’ve recently embraced: not buying unethically produced clothing, shopping second-hand first, and trying to buy the best quality I can, in smaller quantities. It’s hard, though – there’s such a “high” when you get a good score, and it shouldn’t be about the price!
Thank you for the great articles!
same here i would also pull out my antics and jwellery this new year rather than wasting my money on something new
Wow Susan, Loved this post. Its so on target, I couldnt agree more. Ive gotten much better at trying for the capsule wardrobe and even narrowed down my shoe collection! My achilles heel though is makeup. Ive tried so hard to have a simple makeup routine but a new lipstick or eye color just beckons to me as I walk by and I have this idea that “this” color will be THE one. Of course it hardly ever is, but Ive gotten really good at returning mistakes and those impulse buys. In the same way I am trying to go for more discerning clothes, makeup and etc. I believe I need to be more discerning in what I consider entertainment too. So, No I dont watch RHOBH or JS or any other shows of people with poor taste behaving badly. I would much rather watch Home Makeover or something inspirational, the kind of shows that portray people at their best.
I’ve really pruned my wardrobe now and have heaps of choice with not very many clothes. If I buy something new something must always be thrown out. Most probably I have too much underwear but that is an allowed addiction I’ve decided. I love the feeling of a small well organised wardrobe. In fact I feel peaceful in a space that is neat and tidy. Clutter does my head in.
I feel the same way about reality shows. Squirming on the sofa mesmerised by this car crash TV. The one show I got quite hooked on though was My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. It is so awful I can’t seem to look away. Normally I don’t really give the TV my full attention since I’m always fiddling around with the computer or something else.
I’m not a TV watcher, so, like some other posters, I’ve never seen a reality show. And, with the encouragement of several of the blogs I read, I have tried to buy clothing with the idea that it must fit into the wardrobe I have, filling gaps or adding important new options. I have made some headway. I still make mistakes. What is most frustrating to me is the idea of a workhorse piece of clothing developing holes or just plain wearing out. I worry that this item which is an important part of a capsule cannot be replaced.
In an effort to make sure I have dresses that can be worn for most any occasion, I have two many black dresses. I think think they are the most useful, but need beautiful (and high quality) scarves to go with them as well as other accessories to change up my looks.
Checked again my earlier comment on the subject. A few updates are needed.
Now, it´s over 3 years I last watched the TV, so those reality shows are unknown to me. My daughter told me, that she just saw a document – on TV – about women, who had gone overboard with their shopping. Celebrity brand stuff from the floor to the ceiling, clothes, which never even got worn. All the stuff was bought with credit cards, and no way could they find a way to shorten their loans.
A psychology was interviewed, and she/he said, that a shopping addiction is fairly easily solved/ cured!!!
What is needed, is to understand WHY/ WHAT IS THE REASON for the shopping.
There is sense in the specialist´s answer. I also believe that in order to make a change in your life, you must know WHY you are doing it.
Then again, we people get easily addicted to just about anything. A ” cured shopping addiction ” might change into an addiction of a different kind..
I have decreased the local shops I visit, which means, that I buy less stuff here in Finland. I avoid shops, it is easy for me.
But – I have done some online shopping, much less than ever before, but still.
Comfort, esthetics and quality are my shopping guidelines.
If I manage to follow the above, I should be able to control my shopping.
I won´t buy doubles, I´ll just take better care of what I already have.
I am more disciplined & have adopted the ‘buy less, buy better’ approach – though I occasionally throw in some junk food clothing to liven things up. Happy New Year!
“Junk food clothing”, such a great term! My blog is pretty much about reduced consumption, and more discerning choices. I’m satisfied but not smug as I can still be seduced by a sale or special offer. I don’t think making one’s own clothes necessarily protects us from overconsuming, either. In the days when I sewed, I could justify buying enormous amounts that ended up on the shelf for years!
I agree with many of the comments here, but I’m in a bad place with doubles right now. Ironically, my transition to fewer and higher quality pieces has made this problem worse: I’ve become so picky looking for the one perfect black pencil skirt and the one perfect jean and the one perfect legging that allows me to have an organized and streamlined closet, I panic and feel I need a second one. It takes so long to find that high quality right fit, I don’t want to go through the effort and time if I lose or ruin that basic item I wear all the time. I either have to gracefully accept this or find a way to address it! Honestly, if I don’t have the backup, I’m not comfortable wearing the original, which kind of defeats the point — I want the items as an everyday high quality uniform. I may just need to gravitate towards some sort of consumer neuroses no matter what!
I always have to ask myself two questions (1)Do I love it 100% without question? and (2) will it work with at least 2 things I already own? If I can’t answer both with a yes then I don’t buy it. This is only after the usual “does it fit”, “is it well made” questions.
I like that your post talks about entertainment and shopping both, because I think my overconsumption happens in both areas. I’ve known for awhile that I had issues around buying things for the high of it, or the borderline obsessiveness of having the “perfect” wardrobe, but I’ve just realized that I overconsume bad quality entertainment too. These are mostly books, but believe me there are books that are just as worthless as reality tv shows. I think that I use both habits to keep myself from being uncomfortable – lonely or bored or something. The key is to do both in small amounts. Of course, that is what I have the worst time doing. If I could do them in small amounts, I probably wouldn’t be thinking about it.
I totally agree on the “reality” show thing: I cringe after 2 minutes and have to leave the room (my husband loves some of those shows…). For me, it´s the nadir of television history, so far. Can it get any lower? Can´t imagine…
This year, I will shop less and actually wear all the stuff I have accumulated during the year. And I will dress less sensibly (with the washing cycle in mind) and more on inspiration.