hit “refresh”…style and lifestyle mantras for 2015
Have you read I’ll Drink to That: A Life in Style, with a Twist
by Betty Halbreich? It’s a very engaging book that’s not only a personal memoir, but captures a time and place where people dressed up, every day and for almost every activity. I really enjoyed it, not only for the anecdotes about her clients and experiences as a personal shopper at Bergdorf Goodman, but also for the relatively unflinching look at her life as a well-to-do woman who was married young to a wealthy and domineering man, eventually gained confidence and independence, and really came into her own later in life.
Many years ago I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions as they began to seem like an exercise in futility. I’ve found that if I really want to do something or make a change, I do it regardless of the time of year. But Jennifer’s post at A Well Styled Life about choosing a word of the year got me thinking. While I can’t narrow it down to a single word, I’ve come up with three “mantras” that have been percolating in my head lately and that I intend to practice consciously going forward.
Love it immediately. That quote above from the book has really stuck with me. My shopping mistakes almost always are a result of trying to talk myself into, or settling for, something that isn’t an immediate “oh my yes.” Applying the “love it immediately” standard in the last few weeks has helped me walk away from several items that were serviceable but didn’t make my heart beat faster once I had them in the dressing room. It’s also helped me to let go of some things already in my closet that were “interesting,” but too much work to style.
Keep it real. I’m ditching the not-quite-foods…the supposedly “good” stuff like protein bars and low-point frozen desserts. While I do stick to relatively unprocessed foods most of the time, these convenience options have crept into my eating more often lately. There’s just no nutritional upside to overly processed, chemically questionable foods, even the ones that are sold in health food stores. I believe that we’re better off eating “real” foods (even the occasional ice cream) rather than low-fat or low-sugar concoctions made with lots of artificial ingredients. And let’s face it, the real stuff is more satisfying.
Stay connected. Did you know the Oxford dictionary in 2014 added “al desko” as an official entry?
While there are occasionally demands at the office that require working through lunch, “al desko” has unfortunately become my default setting. I’m making it a priority this year to get out and meet friends for lunch. I’ve had too many instances in recent weeks where I realize I haven’t seen some of my favorite people in months or even years. There are circumstances in my life now that limit how much I can get out, but lunch out two or three times a month, I can do.
I’ve also felt bad that I don’t respond to comments here as much as I’d like, and am making that a priority going forward. The connections I make through the blog have become so important to me, and I truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment, share, add their thoughts to the discussion.
What about you, are you “refreshing” any areas of your life for 2015? Do you have a word, expression or mantra that helps you focus on a desired direction?
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More and more, I begin to believe that you and I were separated at birth…
hugs,
Janice
We certainly do seem to be on the same wavelength quite often, don’t we? 🙂
I want to refresh the idea of gratitude in my life this year. After two weeks away at our farm for the holidays, we are back home in the city. I marveled at the comforts and beauty of our home when I walked in the door yesterday. I want to remember that feeling with gratitude all year long.
It’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?
I liked Betty Halbreich in that ‘Scatter My Ashes At Bergdorf’ doco which I highly recommend btw.
GSL, I have yet to see that movie. Will have to investigate and see if it’s availble on Netflix.
I really enjoyed the book and would love to have a job like the one she has…and I think all of us need to remember…life it short…eat out with your friends and dress your best…see the best in everyone and everything. Enjoy those lunches!
Thanks, Pam! I think “life is short, enjoy it” would also be a great mantra.
I’m definitely going to adapt your mantra “love it immediately.” It doesn’t take me long to think of the items in my closet that I “settled for” because they were similar to something I really wanted.
Sam
Sam, it’s a habit that’s easy to fall into and sometimes hard to break. But I think the more we practice, the more we learn to hold out for what really satisfies us.
I love everything in this post – thank you for sharing! And I couldn’t agree more with the points you make, especially about keeping it real – I make a point of cooking from scratch including desserts and though it takes time and effort (I am not a natural cook sadly), I believe it’s than worthwhile doing in the short and long term.
For me this year, I want to focus more time with my kids, my eldest will soon turn 13 and I feel she’ll need me more than ever, while enjoying what’s left of my other kids’ final years before they too reach their teens. If we all survive at the other end, there’s cause for celebration indeed!
Thank you for your blog and wishing all your heart’s desires this year!
silkpathdiary, thanks so much! I do wish I had more time to cook. Enjoy these years with your kids, as challenging as they can be sometimes. 😉
My mantra is, “Don’t worry about who’s watching.” I heard this advice from a psychologist who said that many people have trouble carrying out their goals because they are feeling self-conscious about their progress (or lack thereof). I know this applies to many areas of my life, but also to the way that I approach fashion. Sometimes I’m afraid of drawing attention to myself. I want to get over that fear.
Bettina, I love that!
I have found that lunch with friends has become a kind of therapy for me. Not only do we pick new and different restaurants, but I have wonderful conversation with people I truly love, and respect. I always come away feeling refreshed and encouraged!
Laurie Ann, I know what you mean. It’s so good just to get out of our routines sometimes, and enjoy splendid company.
Lovely post, Susan. I don’t make resolutions any more either, but I do enjoy “refreshing”, as you say. I admire your healthy eating program, and am moving more in that direction as well. It’s really a must as we age, I think!
Patti, thanks! I do think our bodies become more “persnickety” and we have to take better care of them as the years go by.
Ditto
🙂
I shall definitely put this book on my reading list.
Josephine, I think you’d really enjoy it.
I can’t bear all of this new year/new you nonsense. Al desko – may be the ugliest bastardisation of the English ever!
Badinage, the English language is definitely going to hell in a handbasket.
Oh no, my too quick comments may be – I missed out the word language – that will teach me.
You are so grounded. It’s a real pleasure.
Lisa, you’re very kind, thank you.
This is great, Sue. Much here that resonates and also much that inspires. No time to comment more (have to catch my 8am ferry!), but yes to all! Especially the connection! xo, f
Thanks, Frances! I hope we can manage to connect again soon. It’s been TOO long…
Reading “The Life-chanting Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. The lesson I am carrying into 2015 is to ask myself, “does this item (clothing, book, knick nack, whatever) “Spark Joy”? I have trouble letting go, culling and dealing with “stuff”…this mantra is helping me to “love it immediately”. Thank you, Sue, for your thoughtful posts and great tips. I will add it to my arsenal of uplifting “self talk”…
Thea, I’ve read many recommendations for that book. Am going to have to add to my reading list. Glad you enjoyed the post!
These are three wonderful intentions for the year. I did choose a word – Dare – blogged about it a couple of days ago. I love the “love it immediately” concept for my wardrobe (or for anything for my home, too.) I’ll definitely add that quote to my list. Real food is de rigueur around here, but I intend to cut back. I’ve gained a few stubborn pounds over the last couple of years and would really, really like to lose them.
Thanks for your always inspiring blog posts.
Lorrie, I’ll be over to check out your post soon. I think there are so many areas of our lives where we could apply the “love it immediately” standard and not be the worse for it.
My 2015 watchword is something I aspire to from I Thessalonians 5:16–18, in the Bible:
“Rejoice evermore
Pray without ceasing
In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (King James Version)
Falling far short, wandering off, succumbing to occasional despair, won’t ever stop me from trying….
nell, I’m not religious, but can definitely get behind the ideas of rejoicing and gratitude.
I have actually been reading your blog for years. I have really enjoyed everything… your packing pointers were so helpful when I traveled to Italy this past spring. I had never been to Europe before and found that I wore everything that I brought. Thanks for all the helpful information. Your recent entry has really hit the nail on the head for me. I too do not really make New Years Resolutions but for some reason this year I have decided to take a long hard look at all the unwanted spending on unneeded items of clothing. Going through my closet on New Years day was just the beginning!! Thanks again!
Tracy, thanks so much. I’m glad the packing posts were helpful! I think reviewing our closets is always a helpful exercise.
Interesting! Sometimes I love things immediately, but I know they’re a little offbeat, so I put them on and think, can I really wear this? But I nearly always decide yes, because my first impression was love and I decide that I have to go with my weird preference 🙂
Wendy, I think you have good instincts and a sense of what works for you. Look at how long you’ve had some of your favorite pieces, and still enjoy wearing them.
I read that book and I was also struck by her level of self-acceptance and honesty, so refreshing. I also found her relationship with her clients so interesting too, almost like being a therapist. The mantras are so much better than oppressive resolutions which are usually about wanting or needing to be better. Love them because it is instant positive self talk. Great post.
Accidental Icon
http://www.accidentalicon.com
Accidental Icon, thanks! I think what you say about “being a therapist” is true, and speaks to how much our style both reflects and impacts our state of mind.
You’re definitely on to something — Halbrecht’s first book is titled Secrets of a Fashion Therapist.
One of my new behaviours is to read blogs but not feel compelled to comment…so please know I am reading even if I don’t leave one! It’s a matter of decreasing online, and therefore sedentary, hours.
Duchesse, decreasing sedentary hours is always a laudable goal. I always will appreciate your insightful observations.
I too read Betty Halbreich’s book. I found it very interesting…would LOVE to check out the 14 closets in her apartment! I admire that she made a life for herself when one of her gender and class was not expected to have a career. I also admit to class envy with regard to her fabulous clothes and generally privileged existence. I guess I am blue collar at heart!
Jill Ann, wouldn’t that be something though, to snoop through her closets? I think her background and privilege definitely were a prerequisite to the vocation she has now. Her book was definitely a window into a rarefied world.
I keep lunch as short as possible so as not to extend my already long work day.
With no children at home it’s easier for me to fit friends in on weekends.
Ginger, at some point we’ll have more weekend time, but for now lunches are the best option for me to socialize.
Ah, excellent post with lots of thinking points! I’ve also tried to talk myself into clothes (haven’t we all), and purses, but it pays to follow your gut feeling.
Agree on getting away from processed foods – I prefer real butter and sugar to any manufactured substitutes, also. And I hate eating at a desk! I usually want to get away from any office I’ve worked in, so I always go out, even if it means sitting at a picnic table in cold weather.
The word I always want to learn to live by is Grace, in the sense of thoughtfulness and acceptance.
Val, “Grace” is such a good one…something I think we all can use more of!
I do want to point out that there are some natural sugar substitutes, such as stevia. Some people have to avoid sugar for a variety of reasons. But yes, highly-processed “health foods” are best left on the shelf.
I can’t use the ‘love it immediately’ – I’ve got several items in my closet that I love but never wear because they don’t suit my lifestyle. On the other hand, I find it hard to get very excited by a pair of black pants, but if they fit well I know I’ll wear them over and over for years.
I’m completely with you on the ‘keep it real’ and connecting more with friends in the coming year though. Lots of room for improvement in both areas of my life!
All the best for 2015. Looking forward to your blogs, always enjoyable and informative.
Northmoon, I get that. I think it’s sometimes harder to dress for our real life than our fantasy one. And thank you!
I read and loved that book. She was so open and revealing about her private life, unlike her first book, which I enjoyed as well. When I was Image Consulting, I had very similar relationships with my clients. It felt like I was their therapist much of the time! I’m in your camp with all three points. Al desko is hilarious, but no way to be. BTW- I mentioned you today too and ordered the remote. Thanks so much!
Jennifer, thanks so much for the mention! I hope you have good results with the remote. (Set on the 2-second delay…took me a while to figure that one out.) Style is such an expression of who we are, it’s no surprise that Image Consulting feels like therapy sometimes!
I’m with you on the idea of loving something immediately before purchase. It keeps me in check and mostly shopping my closet. Happy New Year to you and your family!
stylecrone, Happy New Year to you too!
I have her book on my wish list. The descrip sounded so entertaining and I love looking back to when my mother and grandmother dressed with gloves, hats and much thought towards accessories. My grandmother, who worked in fashion her entire life, always told me to stick to a few good pieces of high quality because “they never go out of style”. She was, of course, correct.
Betty Halbreich’s comment about loving it from the beginning because nothing gets better the longer you look at it is also true as true can be. Every time I buy something I end up not wearing or wear once & dislike, it’s because I felt uncertainty from the beginning and tried to talk myself into it by saying “it will come in handy” or “if I lose a few lbs” , etc etc.
California Girl, haven’t we all been there, though! Most of the time those “if only’s” will lead us astray. I’m glad we’re past the tyranny of everything having to match (and all of the other rules), but do enjoy looking at those old pictures and how put-together everyone looked.
Love it immediateley (or leave it) is a very good one. I sort of subconsciously (difficult word, had to look up the spelling haha) was doing that, but being more aware of it, is better. I also try to wear something really nice when I go shopping. If what you have on is better than what you are about to buy, leave it.
Al desko is funny and something I do all the time. But that is so I can leave the office early and avoid traffic jams.
And I also totally agree with keeping it real. I’d rather eat less of good stuff than more of a light product.
Greetje
Greetje, that’s a great tip about wearing nice pieces to go shopping.
One of my son’s gave me Betty Halbreich’s book for Christmas and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. I completely agree with the “Love It Immediately” philosophy. However, I sometimes have a very different experience with clothing I receive as gifts. I’m not always crazy about things I’m given. As a result, I may not wear the piece much–maybe once or twice (when I’m with the gift giver) the first year. After that, though, and I can’t explain the transformation, the garment slowly becomes a favorite piece. I grow to love the piece because it’s “outside the box” for me. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s great when it does. Anyway. Warmest wishes for 2015 ~ Susan
Susan, I hear what you’re saying about clothing gifts. I do think sometimes the sentiment and appreciation of a gift and the giver adds to our enjoyment. Happy New Year!
Love it immediately. Keep it real. Stay connected.
You have given perfect examples of each, and this is how they apply to me. 1. My closet is full of ill-fitting, unflattering clothes (and very little that I can actually wear) because I have always applied a “this will do” philosophy. Never Again!! 2. Keep it real. We’ve had the same issue in our home–our best intentions to eat “real” are too often supplanted with “this is quick”. Well, real is quick, too, isn’t it? 3. Staying connected takes effort. Those we want to keep up with are often too busy also. I tend to wait for these busy folks to contact me….from now on I’ll reach out first!
And now, I shall steal these mantras for myself and get to work on my goals: healthier eating, exercise, writing, blogging, sewing, and maintaining contact! (Now, what can you offer for procrastinators?)
Thank you for these helpful tricks. Jen, NY
A belated amen to all of the above!