merci !

roses in Paris

I’m a bit overwhelmed at the response to Monday’s post. I’d like to thank each of you for your feedback and input, and kind words of encouragement and support, as well as constructive criticism. If I could, I’d send you a bouquet as lovely as this to express my appreciation for taking the time to respond and the thoughtfulness of your comments.

As much as I’d like to answer each of you individually, the number of comments soon became daunting. But as several of you made similar points or suggestions, I’ll try to address those here.

Think pieces. A few of you mentioned you’d like to see more of these, and believe me, I’d like to write more of them! Right now a lack of time and especially quiet, uninterrupted time keeps me from being able to finish as many as I’d like. I’ve said before that I feel as though my ideas are circling in a holding pattern like 767’s over JKF, just waiting for space to land. My goal is to write one or two per month while circumstances remain as they are now.

Family. As some of you are aware, we have a teenage son with special needs.I’ve tried to walk a fine line between sharing my experiences and protecting his privacy, but here’s the short version. He had undetected, severe oxygen deprivation in utero which resulted in mild cerebral palsy and severe brain injury. He was born via emergency c-section, and his heart had stopped by the time they got him out. After 19 minutes of resuscitation his Apgar was 0-0-1. HIs first 8 weeks were spent in neo-natal intensive care and the doctors initially did not expect him to live more than a year or two. He just turned 18, and physically is now quite healthy. 🙂  His intellectual/cognitive functioning is generally at a pre-school level, but he’s also in many respects a teenager. He’s a good kid, and social but requires constant supervision, and sometimes has behavioral issues when he doesn’t get his way. (I know, “teenager.”) He went through a period of escalating physical aggression a couple of years ago that nearly broke us all. Things are better now, but the evening and weekend caregiving effort after we’ve both worked a full week is wearing us out, and the older he gets the more difficult it is to find caregivers who are willing and able to handle him. Without in-home help, we really don’t get a break or get out of the house much, as it’s become very difficult for us to take him out into the community on our own. He does go to an amazing school which he loves, and for which we are SO grateful. We have started the process to try to find residential placement for him, in an environment that will support him and encourage as much independence as he is capable of. We’ve been told it’s a good time in his development for this, and we want to do this while we’re still both healthy and able to assist him with the transition to his adult life.

Some of you have mentioned similar challenges or situations with family members. I’m not comfortable sharing much more than I have here, but I am always willing to communicate via email if you have questions or just would like to talk.

Eileen Fisher clothing. Yes, it makes up a substantial percentage of my wardrobe. No, I don’t work for them, have any relationship with the company, or receive any gifted clothing from them. The aesthetic appeals to me and I just find many of the pieces hit that trifecta of a) working with my size/shape b) being travel-friendly and c) being relatively seasonless here in LA, therefore practical. Many of the pieces I have and wear regularly are now a few years old, and I’ve been able to build up a good foundation wardrobe over time.

Fitness routine and self-care. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….ok I’m back now. Seriously though, what I’m able to manage with my schedule is a 30 minute walk with the dogs every morning, and some stretching and work with hand weights every few evenings. Taking a beginning yoga or Pilates class has been on my wish list for years, and will probably only happen once either I retire from work or we get jeune homme into a residential program. Every three weeks or so I manage to get over the neighborhood nail salon for an express mani-pedi. The rest I do at home myself. None of this is ideal, I know. Work in progress.

Travel-related posts. I still have a few photos and experiences to share from our last trip, and will make a point to schedule those. I’m working on a fall travel wardrobe post that I plan to have completed next week.

Outfit posts.  I will continue to do these, and may occasionally add a second one during the week. I hear those of you who feel things have become a bit stale; I’m feeling it too right now, and often find the warmer months the most difficult for putting outfits together creatively. I’m feeling the need to shake things up a bit too, and am looking forward to experimenting a bit more with the new season.

Thanks so much to all of you who responded, and to all of you who read the blog and enjoy it.

Stay in touch

Sign up to be notified of new posts and updates from une femme d’un certain âge.

Affiliate links in posts may generate commissions for unefemme.net. See my complete disclosure policy here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

80 Comments

  1. I am impressed that you manage to find time to blog despite your numerous personal and work obligations. You are an inspiration. Thank you for providing an escape from the daily grind for the rest of us.

  2. You write a terrific blog that consistently educates (very gently) and entertains. I never feel I’m wasting my time reading your entries, and I marvel at the seemingly effortless way you touch on so many areas of interest to your target audience. So well done!

    1. I agree. I look forward to reading you every morning. I found you when I was researching some Eileen Fisher things years ago, and I’ve been here ever since. I know EF is not cheap, but I’ve been wearing her things for years. They fit. I also understand a little bit about your challenges at home since my late sister had birth injuries and was in need of care until she passed away as an adult. I wish you nothing but the best.

  3. Me too. What they said above. Don’t know how you do it, Sue. Love your blog. You’re one of the first blogs I read when I started reading blogs a few years ago. And one of the ones I aspired to emulate when I started writing my own.

  4. Oh well. Now I know more why I frequently send positive thoughts/prayers your way. Had 18 challenging years myself but not to the extent you have. The water is deep but keep paddling, you’re getting to the shallow part & things will get better!
    Keep the flowers for yourself- you brighten my day enough with your posts
    Ps The morning walk with the dog(s) is the nicest part of the day, n’est pas?????

  5. Thank you for telling us a bit more about your son. As a grandparent of a child with special needs, I understand a bit about what your life is like. From my perspective, you are doing an amazing job of having a career, caring for a child with special needs, and finding an outlet for your creativity and self expression. We are all the beneficiaries of that!

    I feel the need to shake up my wardrobe a bit too, so I will enjoy taking note of what you do.

  6. (((Sue))) I’ve got nothing much to say – just hugs to offer in support of all you do, and all that you give to your family, your work, your friends, and to all of us. What a big heart you have!

  7. Heart rending and just amazing that you still manage to “keep up appearances”. We all have things happen – my adult daughter had leukaemia but has survived. Keep up morale and how you manage a blog as well astounds me!

  8. I love reading your blog, I am in awe of you! Seriously though love to you all. I have a sister with learning disabilities and I work in a fabulous day base for adults with learning disabilities. I love love my job, every day is humbling. Lots of luck with your search, Jane xxx

    1. Jane, thank you for doing the work you do. We are so grateful to the teachers and other people who have made such a difference in our son’s life.

  9. Please know that your blog audience knows of your situation and completely supports you. Having time with your family and seeing that your son grows up well is your top priority. We understand if you are not blogging as much as others. We will still check in. We soooooo appreciate a blog for women of a certain age! #don’tfeelguilty

  10. Wow. I am a long time reader but don’t know if I have ever commented. But have to echo the above and just express my admiration and appreciation for all you do — yes, the blog, but for parents who step up and put so much heart and soul and emotion into doing what you do — we as a society benefit from that.

  11. You’re one of my daily reads and the biggest influence of any blogger on what I actually wear. I take my hat off to you for the way you have raised your son and for the thought and care you are putting into his future. No need to share any more than you already have. Privacy is important! Thanks for all that you do.

  12. I’m a long-time reader but rarely comment…. I just wanted to add my voice to those above. I found your blog years ago when I first started looking for style advice online, and I have found you to be a constant source of inspiration for me — both for the style choices you make and the grace that shines through your posts. Thanks for sharing these bits with your readers.

  13. Thank you for your candor, and for sharing just the right amount. The love and care that your husband and you give your son always shines through. I hope that you find the very best situation for your son’s next steps, I know others who have found great living situations and trust that there is just the right place out there for him.
    To me, you are one of the very most consistent of bloggers, even though your days are fuller than full. Of course it’s good to take a respite when you would like, we understand.

  14. You add a bit of fun to my morning coffee! And as mature women, who doesn’t need a shot of color (like the burgundy handbag from yesterday) or lovely shots of Europe or the L.A. Sun to brighten the day?
    Keep going with your lovely smile, smart personal views, & interesting life.

  15. Wow – admire you even more. And thank you again for all the thought, work and time you put into the blog. I love being a faithful reader.

  16. Sue – I love your blog, your style, your perspective on style, travel and life. Thanks for all you share with us. I hope you feel the support and admiration that all of us are sending you.

  17. So enjoy you – am a latecomer to the party, but so happy to have stumbled upon you! Blessings to you and your family!

  18. I too read your blog often and enjoy it. I almost never, if ever, comment perferring to read comments by others. However I wanted to step out of the shadows to thank you for sharing more about your life (difficulties included). My appreciation for you and your blog has grown enormously knowing that you share the vicissitudes of life, and still manage to find time and words to entertain and stimulate your readers. You have my respect and admiration.

  19. Having observed family members and children of close friends with special needs transition to adulthood, I think I understand the enormous stress it places on the parents. Please take good care of yourself.

  20. Thanks for sharing even more about yourself, Susan. Your challenges are certainly 24/7. I wish all of your readers could stand together with you for a great big “group hug”! I enjoy your thoughtful, intelligent posts very much and appreciate your asking what your readers would like.

  21. I missed your Monday post (but will read back) and want to add my words of encouragement and understanding to the others here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and well-thought out fashion intelligence with us in the midst of what is certainly a challenging life situation.

  22. You are an inspiration to all of us. I love your blog and understand what a lot of time you put into your posts. They never get stale for me. Having worked with special needs students I empathize with you and your husband. Parenting is difficult and challenging but even more energy is required to families with children who have developmental delays. Good luck finding a placement for your son.
    XO
    Leslie

  23. Thank you for the lovely flowers! I love your blog, enjoy all of your suggestions, and I have told so many of my friends about your creative ways to pack lightly! Now, hearing your story, I admire you even more! Many blessings to you and your family.

  24. I rarely comment but have been reading your blog for a few years. I LOVE the thought pieces – you always hit the nail right on the head. Even though I originally came here because I’m also a francophile and am always looking for ways to NOT become dowdy (and try to look French while I’m at it), I find as time goes on I like the thought pieces even more.

    As for fashion I would love to see some outfits without jeans which I can’t wear to work,no matter how nice they are. However, as I write this, I realize I’ll probably retire in a year or two, so when that comes, I’ll LOVE to see (and wear) the jeans!

    Keep it up and thanks.

    Christine

  25. Yours is the blog that introduced me to Eileen Fisher. I have a shirt/dress piece of hers that I found on consignment and it is definitely one of my favourites, the softest baby blue cotton on earth; it moves wonderfully. Although I usually wear clothes that are more on the extreme side, I also adore quality and cut and jump when I find something. I love your blog and I’m glad you have time to fit it into your busy life.

  26. Sue you are such an amazing woman! I love your blog and am so inspired by your style and travel wardrobe posts. I understand about many of the challenges regarding special needs students as I worked with many over my 25 year career in school. Respite is essential. Good luck on your search for a residence for your son.
    Please know that even though I do not comment I read each and every post you publish!
    XOLeslie

  27. You (and your life) epitomize grace under pressure. Of all the ways that you inspire us, your sartorial style is least important (though it is consistently impressive!). Thank you so much from a regular, but usually silent, reader. I will keep your family in my prayers.

  28. I differ from you in that I am 5’10” and I live on the east coast. I have an 18 year son too – he doesn’t have the same situation as your son but has had his own scary medical and emotional challenges esp over the past year. So as Mom to Mom, fighting as hard as possible for our beloved kids – I send you lots of love, prayers and good karma!

    Your blog is one of my favorites. I also love dogs so that would be prob. one of my only things I’d love to see you add – a sweet pic of the pups!

  29. Susan, All I can say is that I’m in awe. I have never commented before but felt I too should thank you for all the blog post done with such style and humor. You inspire more than you can imagine.

  30. Hi Susan, Val here, visiting from Grechen’s blog. I’m here to say thank you for the inspiration you put forth on your blog. I don’t comment often, but I’m always looking. I have a younger brother with a 21-yr old step-son who is unable to be on his own due to Asperger’s and a recent diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. You can’t love them out of it, as much as you want to. So, love and blessings to you and your family, and continued strength to carry-on.

  31. Hi Susan: I, like all the others who have responded previously, am just astounded at all that you are doing. I was deeply touched by your family story and with all my heart I wish the three of you all the best. You have your hands full. I absolutely look forward to your daily posts (instagram, email, Facebook) and feel so happy when I read what you’re doing and thinking. You have such style and thoughtfulness. I am so grateful for all your style and makeup suggestions and love that you show us where we can purchase the items that you post! You’re one of the best things that’s happened to me in the last few years. I secretly wish I could meet you in person but doubt that will ever take place since you are so busy and I’m rarely in the LA area. Thank you thank you thank you for being my on line friend. I’m a mom also and so my heart really goes out to you in your love for your son and your effort to give him the best you can. love love love 😉 S

  32. I don’t comment often but I love your blog. You have any awful lot on your plate and you seem to keep it all going! I started following you years ago for a trip to Paris. I am taller than you and heavier than you but your short and curvy ideas help. I am glad to see whatever you want to post. I also wish you the best with your son. That would be very difficult. Thanks for keeping up your blog!

  33. Like all of the others, I’m amazed at how you find the time to write a blog with everything else in your life. I rarely comment, but I do read your blog faithfully. I am grateful for all of your travel suggestions and used many of them on our two month trip to the South of France this year. And thanks to your encouragement I took my Clarasonic and it kept a charge until almost the end of the two months. I use it 3 times a week and you gave me the courage to take it on a long trip. You also reminded me to use sunscreen on my neck. Somehow that had slipped out of my routine. I do know better. Anyway, thanks for all you do for us. My heart goes out to you with the circumstances of your son. He is very lucky to have you in his life.
    Sam

  34. I value this blog highly. We hope to move to France in 12-15 years, but in the mean time, you give me guidance on how to be chic while living in Southern California. Best wishes to you and your family, and thank you.

  35. YOURS is the first of 5 or 6 blogs I check daily. With coffee on one side and cat on the other–trying to block the screen, usually! I work with disabled children-some VERY– at our high school, and I have much respect for what is involved in parenting a special needs child. I am also a Francophile, and have lived in France a couple of times. In Paris, and in Aix-en-Provence. I enjoy your writing about travel, and beauty. Less so the clothing posts. They are lovely, and I’ve gotten a lot of ideas from you–especially about what to buy at Nordstrom’s, but it bothers me that we, as Americans, consume WAY TOO MUCH. I subscribe to the idea of LESS! i.e. fewer but better clothes, shoes, etc. Even if I could afford to buy all the beautiful clothes you can, I frankly wouldn’t know where to put it all! I am happier with fewer, top-quality, things. This is how many of my French friends live–and many do not have the closet space! To some people, spending money on good food and art and travel is more important than a large wardrobe. I am curious where you store it all! Back to “Beauty.” At 62, I am always interested in beauty products, of all price points, to help maintain the best skin possible, without resorting to surgery.

    Thanks again for your blog!

  36. Blown away.
    What you wrote about your son gave me a lump in my throat. You have a way of writing that is both elegant and personable and clearly that’s attracted so many adoring fans. You seem to walk that fine line you mentioned with the skill of a professional high-wire act – never oversharing or embarrassing and yet never standoffish or abrupt either. Very impressive. A natural communicator. I expect you are very good with people IRL.

    How you find the time to put out such a polished blog is beyond me, but from this reader, thank you and please carry on just as you have been. I will read each post with even more appreciation now that I have a better idea of what you juggle in your life.

    Wishing you and your family peace and contentment.

  37. I understand what you are going through with your son. My late twin sister was pretty much the same. We were twins and I was the second twin that they didn’t know was there! I shared a bedroom with her for year 16 years. Everything had to be done for Judith and I mean everything! I don’t know how my mother coped, but she was a strong women. This has made me strong too and you are too! Love reading your blog everyday…..I live in Australia!

  38. I vallue your blog. It gives me some rest and creative free time from the family challenges I work with on a daily basis. A chance to refresh, recharge, and breathe. I respect your privacy, but thank you for sharing the realities of your life. It makes me appreciate and feel thankfull for your blog – sharing your creativity and energy – on a whole new level. Regards and best wishes to you and your family. From Kathryn.

  39. You start the day with me, and I am grateful to virtually “know” you, learn from you, and enjoy whatever you choose to share. Thank you.

  40. Just wanted to let you know that of about 20 bloggers I’ve subscribed to, yours is now the only one I still keep following, and I do it religiously. As soon as I see one of your posts in my mailbox, it’s the first thing I read, but sometimes I save it for last because it’s like a dessert! Keep doing what your heart tells you, I love your style and intelligent, thoughtful writing. You’re an inspiration in more ways than one!

  41. I truly believe that you deserve the bouquet ! Love your blogs, info, tips, and thank you for taking the time and putting in so much energy and talent so we may all live a fabulous, comfortable and stylish life. Love to your family ~ Merci Beaucoup

  42. Thank you for sharing. It gives your blog a dimension that most bloggers don’t have. I did really like Monday’s post too. It was a lovely way to present style. Good luck on the hunt for your son’s residence. I know how challenging it is, but it is best for him and for you.

  43. I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading your posts. Keep doing what works for you. The thought and the time you put into your posts is appreciated. There are too few blogs out there for women who are not in their 20s/30s. Thank you for showing us that great style isn’t only for the young.

  44. I just want to thank you for taking the time to post anything at all! Given the very full life you lead, the numerous obligations you juggle, I am impressed and do not feel entitled to offer any criticism (constructive or otherwise). Thank you for your light touch, your good humor and honest opinions. As a southern Californian living in South America, I also enjoy the glimpses of home that your blog provides. Take care, Laurie

  45. Thanks for sharing your story. Thanks too for the travel tips. I found you when searching the Internet for ideas for Paris packing. I must say that I also appreciate your including plus size options. Thank you again!

  46. Thank you from another fan. I’ve been reading your wonderful blog for about six months and feel you are bringing me to a new level in style. I’m often getting compliments, even from strangers. Your post today is very moving. All the best to you!

  47. Susan- I rarely comment on blogs but just wanted to say as a retired pediatrician I have an pretty good idea of the issues you have to deal with on a day to day basis. It is clear to me that you are the kind of parent I wish all children with special needs were blessed with. There really are no words to adequately express how much admire you and other parents like you. You all are very special people.

    Also want to say I have been reading your blog for several years and am always so happy when I see that you have a new post. Hang in there. I hope you are able to find a good placement for your son. Transitions are so very hard but is sounds like the time is right.

  48. Caregivers are a special breed – it always amazes me how you can handle the emotional daily journey. I am in awe of you and all that you accomplish day in and day out. My Dad has dementia Alzheimer’s. He lives in a care center for the memory impaired. It always seem to talk me a day or two to work through the emotions of my regular visits. The care givers there are amazing at their jobs. You are exceptional for the commitment, love and compassion you share with your son – a mothers work and love in action.
    Take care.

  49. Sue, I found your blog this year, and enjoy it tremendously. Thank you for the generosity and sensitivity you’ve displayed in this post. I very much appreciate your style and writing, and wish you and your family well.

  50. I can see why you do not wish to compromise your sons privacy but it is good that we should all be aware of people with disabilities & some of the problems involved . Years ago I worked trying to place people with disabilities into paid employment . It was good for them to work & also enlightening for the people they worked with . Very rewarding for me too . I have a friend with an adult daughter similar to your son who has , for some years , lived with a group of others in a house with an adult supervisor . Hard for my friend at first , but she knew her daughter needed to have some measure of independence & it has worked very well . I hope this next step works well for your son too .

  51. You deserve those sweet roses, you sweet person, you. Thank you for your insight, candor, thoughtfulness, and your kindness to us — remarkable, really, with all that you have going on in your life. Your deep-down sunniness shines through and the world is better for it.

  52. I don’t know how you do everything you do! Much admiration. I enjoy your blog and have picked up many helpful leads to great traveling clothes and packing tips from you. Look forward to each new post. Stay true to what feels right for you.

  53. You are extraordinary for doing all you do–and the blog, too. You’ve brightened my days for years now; I so appreciate your beautifully written, beautifully styled, thoughtful and intelligent blog. How rare those are on the interwebs, and how lucky I feel to have stumbled across yours. Although we’ve never met and–living on opposite sides of the country–are likely never to do so, I wish you and your family the very best. As for blog content, what you’re doing, and how it’s evolved over the years, is perfect. I always enjoy stopping by to e-hear your thoughts and find out what you’ve been doing (and wearing!). Thanks for continuing to inspire all of us.

  54. As a former caregiver myself, I understand how stressful your life can be. You must be an exceptionally strong woman! Congratulations on keeping it all together and, at the same time, creating one of the best blogs out there.

  55. For my part, I am so appreciative that you took the time to respond to all our comments. Like everyone else, I admire how you manage to write this blog on top of all your other cares and obligations. And a thoughtful, kind-spirited, and intelligent blog, too, full of beautiful things that make us all happy!

  56. Hi,
    I’ve really enjoyed your blog since I found it a year or so ago, especially your packing posts and travel posts. I can’t imagine how challanging life would be with a full time job and a special needs teenager. Searching for housing at the best of times is difficult and I hope I’m not over stepping but I thought I’d mention Angel View in Palm Springs. Angel View has several small permanent residential facilities in the desert and residents from all of the country. I hope this helps.

  57. Ma pensée est que je vous admire depuis Paris que vous aimez tant.
    My Thoughts are that I admire you from out here in Paris, the city you love.

    Today i will raise my glass (or coffee) to you at 3.30 pm local time, from ´les berges de la Seine’ yards away from the Eiffel Tower.

    It is inspiring to hear a real life story in an age where facebook posts are all about puuuuuuurfect successsssfullllll loviiiiiiiin cloudlessssss lives.

    Your life is not all smooth vanilla, but waouh! It is rich and well lived.

    Merci et bravo

  58. I admire and respect you! Thank you for your ongoing presence, style, beauty and kindness. What you do is important to many, including myself.

  59. I share your love of Eileen Fisher clothing. Have been following your blog for several months. When I read about your special needs son, I told a friend of mine about him. She has a special needs daughter who is now in a group home. Jan is a social worker and has written a book about her daughter. I told her about your website and suggested she contact you. She has researched and has a lot of information in her book. If you contact me, I will put her in contact with you.

  60. I have raised 3 challenged sons. My eldest in a wheel chair, my middle son ADHD and my youngest has mild mental impairment.I raised my sons all on my own and have learned so much from them. My heart is with you and yours.

    I have always enjoyed your blog, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram. I can tell you are a very lovely woman with STYLE !

    Blessings to you <3

    Catherine E
    Stafford (celticmoss)

  61. Sue, I can only echo what so many others have said. What you and your husband have done—continue to do—is nothing short of heroic. We experienced something similar, second-hand, with my bother’s son, who had a genetic condition (translocation) that rendered him like a baby for all of the twenty-one years he lived (when he was never supposed to survive more than a year). What my brother and sister-in-law endured would have broken many others, but somehow it only made them stronger as a couple and as people. I can see this is the case with you, as well. You are truly amazing to do all you do with grace and a sense of humor. Bless you and your family. You have not just my respect but my admiration. If you’re experiencing even a modicum of guilt for finally being able to experience some freedom, please don’t. You deserve it—and so much more! You’re in my prayers, Karen