Dial M for…
A few weeks ago, my doc confirmed my growing suspicion from the last several menarche-free months: I have crossed the hormonal Rubicon. The good news is that this milestone was reached without much gnashing of teeth or hot flashes. However, in what seems to be an attempt to assert who’s really still running the show here, my body has suddenly decided to take on a few pounds of extra ballast, rendering about half of my closet’s contents just a bit too tight, and turning up the flame a bit under my low-simmering weight preoccupation.
There’s no going back to those days of diets and counting points and agonizing over every five ounces up or down. I know better than to get caught up in that downward spiral of body-hatred and yo-yo-ing weight. Been there, done that, had the t-shirt in three sizes. I don’t know whether this gain is a temporary aberration, or whether my metabolism has permanently ratcheted down another notch, in which case I need to cull the now too-small items from my wardrobe.
I’m far more sanguine about the deepening lines on my face and the softening jawline than I am about my thickening waistline. It’s not like I still held out hope that someday I’d be reed-slender and able to wear all those styles that make me sigh, but my weight and shape had been stable the past few years and I’d worked so hard to make peace with my body. And now, it’s changing again. This “aging gracefully” thing isn’t so easy, is it?
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As someone who is also attempting to “age gracefully” I can completely sympathise with you on this…..keep moving, keep laughing and keep loving….the rest will take care of its self!!
Thanks anon, that’s great advice. I’ll take it!
Oy, the weight thing… After my recent weight loss (30 very superfluous pounds, IheartWeightWatchers), I was shocked to find out how easy it is to fall into that descending number trap. I’m perfectly fine where I am, but I’ve had to speak sternly to myself a couple of times about the sinking feeling I had after noting the number on the scale had gone up a pound or two. I know I’m going to fluctuate from week to week, but it’s almost addictive, that tiny feeling of triumph when you note the loss of another half-pound. I’m still sorting out how to live in my newly-skinny body.
As for you, I have no doubts whatsoever that you will live all your life gracefully, vividly, and with great humor.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind, as they say.
Age and weight has been a very different deal than weight, period. At nearly 60, I watch what and how I eat and no longer obsess on the number, which ran my life for 40 plus years. Have not weighed outside of annual physicals for 4 years or so, go by fit of clothes.
Not saying this would work for you but for me, a great tactic.
Condolences and sympathy! But mazel tov on making it through without the nasty hot flashes! I swear, I’m back on the hormonal roller coaster myself. Or is it just that it’s hit 95 here?
I was just having the same talk with my mom, who looks great but is doing WW semi-seriously at 63. We are both looking forward to those years we remember grandma eating what she wanted, because at that point she was so darn tiny and wasn’t gaining. We figured that the years between 40 and 80 (or earlier if you’ve had twins) are mostly about staying on the wagon. Sigh.
Mom always reminds me to remember Zsa zsa: “At a certain age, you have to choose between your face and your fanny.” Here’s to silver linings. The great news is that your scarves and shoes will always fit.
Dana, I thought that quaote was attributed to Catherine Deneuve not Zsa Zsa Gabor. Whoever…it has become my mantra. I’m willing to put up with the extra poundage around my derriere because the extra weight helps minimize the lines in my face.
On the other hand, my assistant who is 30 is going to jump on the botox bandwagon like her 30 year old girlfriends. Maybe I should just get serious about losing my middle age mid-section weight and manage the lines in my face with injections.
After years of obsessing about my looks, I’d like to concentrate on my charater and intellect and be able to age gracefully, but alas, this is Los Angeles, the land of the perpetually young and beuatiful.
style spy – it’s always tough to adjust to a new size, whether the scale has moved up or down. And yeah, the tendency to want to keep losing weight past the point of sanity is one of the reasons I don’t diet anymore. The other is that my weight invariably swings back in the other direction, ending up at a higher weight than before I started the diet. And these days, my metabolism seems to be able to detect a diet/lifestyle change/you-name-it a mile away, and immediately shifts down to “idle.”
duchesse – yes, it was the fit of the clothes that I noticed first. I rarely weigh myself anymore, but the scale did confirm what the zippers were telling me.
dana – my love of accessories is partly due to their unflagging love for me. 😉
Belle de ville – I’d heard that quote attributed to “French women” but it could easily have been Deneuve. As my face has always been my “better” (e.g. closer to the cultural standard of attractiveness) feature than my body, I figure I’m sticking with my face at this point. The good news is I really don’t have many wrinkles yet. I figure I’m going to get the saggy jowls eventually, though.
Bette Davis said it best, “Old age is no place for sissies.”
Miss Janey will add that neither is the trip getting there.
(serenity now, serenity now…)
Personally, I do not like unauthorized and uninvited physical changes.
Oh, and come, come…like Deneuve and all those other graceful agers haven’t had work? Sophia Loren can deny all she likes but I’m not buying that. They just do it tastefully. Though I admit some of them don’t take a knife to their faces…I know of certain people who use the old Marlene Dietrich trick of tape under a wig to pull up the sagging skin.
miss janey – I recall my grandmother had that embroidered on a pillow…
LBR – I so do not want to be one of those women who is hung up on weight at 80 and not enjoying the ice cream. My MIL has a close friend who is still anorexic in her 70’s, and has been hospitalized a few times in the last decade. But this body acceptance thing is a one-day-at-a-time deal. The old “you should be thinner” voices are always there, but most days I’m able to tell them to f*ck off.
Re lines: I’m not quite ready for medical intervention, but check back with me in another few years. 😉
Wendy B – it’s both depressing and liberating to come to terms with the fact that we only have so much control over our bodies. And yes, Deneuve has *definitely* had work done, and I read an article somewhere a few months ago where other French women were criticizing her for that. (Though I hope to someday emulate the general greater French acceptance of the aging process, I guess it’s easy to criticize when you aren’t trying to make a living in an industry that regards older women as disposable at best.)
I know a woman in her 80’s and she is a bit obsessed about her midsection. She complains about it constantly. I have to say it drives me coo-koo loo. She looks fabulous and I and everyone she meets is constantly telling her how great she looks. And, she does. But, I find it frustrating that at 80 she can’t enjoy an occasional ice cream without recriminations. If I am a size 10 when I am 80 I assure you there will be guilt free ice cream.
I tend to focus on my flaws instead of my strenthgs–but I hope as I get older that will be less true. However, if I don’t start to do it now when will I?
I say all that to say that I really admire your attitude. Yes, you may wish you had a more waspy waist but I here you attitude of acceptance and peace with your body is something that comes with real emotional maturity( not something everyone achieves).
Thanks for this post. And, I have to say for the deeper lines Restylane is a God send.
I must confess that I am still desperately trying to keep my waist. Somehow I have managed quite well and actually weigh a bit less than I did in my 30´s and 40´s. It is not so much for the looks, but I find living and moving so much easier without a tummy. I have never actually dieted, but try to avoid sweets. And I am a vegeterian, but can´t resist cheese. Actually I used to walk a lot, but due to an accident on one of my walking tours,when my strong dog suddenly caught sight of a rabbit and dragged me to a ditch with the result that I broke some bones on my feet, making long walks impossible now.I do a lot of physical work at our stables and some riding too. At this age-I´m a bit older than you- it really is difficult to keep your weight on a certain level,but I take this as a challenge. I know most of you readers think I´m nuts, but this is my life and I like it this way!
metscan – if what you’re doing is working for you and helping you to live a fuller, happier life, then more power to you. You have horses? I’m so envious; I only get to ride about once a year now when we go visit my dad.
indigo – I’m glad it helped you. It’s always good when we discover we’re not the only person out there struggling with something.
Indigo16, cannot get one part of your comment out of my mind. Not sure exactly how I would respond if a man reminded me daily of a small shift, but know it would not evoke my best behaviour.
It is a post like this that saves my sanity. I have noticed a small seismic shift around my middle. I live with a man who reminds me of this daily. So to know I am not alone helps. I too live by the face or figure mantra, but a happy medium helps and so three time a week I haul my sorry arse to the gym so that I can eat something with flavour.
Several years ago I read an interview with Ali McGraw. The interviewer asked her what surprised her the most about getting older. And she said something like, “No one ever told me my waist would get thick.”
And I thought, oh hell, if it even happens to Ali McGraw, what chance do I have….??
At 61, I can honestly say I held it at bay until about a year ago — a combination of good eating habits, regular exercise, and luck. But it’s a-creeping up now; I just continue to do the best I can and not obsess over it.
One of the advantages of living in the UK is the ancient plumbing systems – whilst waiting for the shower to run hot I take a couple of minutes each day to stretch out my waist and do some side bends, thereby keeping hold (albeit by my fingernails!) of some sort of waist! A short regular workout and by the end the water is finally running hot!
I’m a little ticked off at indigo16’s living companion, too. Even if he looks like Gael Garcia Bernal (or whoever your idea of perfection is) himself, commenting on other people’s bodies is just plain rude. As for weight gain, I will not torment myself by entertaining a critical thought for more than the split second it takes to recognize that one has popped up. My vow to myself is that I will accept myself wholeheartedly at any weight or size, and I frequently also tack on a reminder that being attractive doesn’t depend on having a particular body shape or size, it depends on self-confidence and enthusiasm. A person who is positive she is attractive and treats herself accordingly is generally also so perceived by others, it seems to me.
Deja pseu: Yes we have horses, and mine is the one beside this comment. A real gentleman too!
Anon and greying pixie – I’ve actually never had much of a waist, being extremely short waisted. (There’s about 1 inch between the bottom of my lowest rib and the top of my hipbone.) It’s more that feeling of my body seeming to have it’s own blueprint regardless of what I’m doing that throws me.
About spouses/significant others who comment negatively on our bodies…that’s a zero-tolerance area for me these days. Having been involved with men in my 20’s and early 30’s who were highly critical, I told mon mari when we first started dating that negative comments about my body or what I was eating were off limits. He’s totally respected that from day one, regardless of my weight fluctuations.
Linda – your committment to self-acceptance is exemplary. And I totally agree with you that what we project is what people tend to perceive.
wonderful conversation you’ve inspired and facilitated once again, Pseu, on a topic I’ve been having to pay attention to lately. Having had several consecutive period-free months combined with a few weeks of eating as if I were in Europe on a holiday (yes!), everything’s fitting a bit more tightly, and I’m determined to respond healthily to this challenge. It’s tough, though, and as Alison says, good to know it’s a shared one.