Hitting the Bra-fecta
Pour une femme, there are three factors that combine to make the perfect bra:
1. Fit/Support – the band should be snug enough to stay put below the shoulder blades but not dig in, the underwire should fit against the body, there should be no “spillage” over the top or sides of the cups, straps should stay put, and most importantly the “girls” should be lifted so that they sit midway between the shoulder and elbow in profile view.
2. Comfort – underwire shouldn’t dig into the sternum or gouge under the armpits, band shouldn’t be so tight as to preclude a deep breath, lace or other detailing shouldn’t be scratchy.
3. Looks – for those of us in the D-cup and above range, Pretty is often a pipe dream when it comes to bras (and those matching bra-and-panty sets in fetching colors? Fuggedaboudit!). The perfect bra should not only give us a nice shape, but look pretty too, even if no one sees it aside from ourselves and our significant other.
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| This is NOT the look we’re going for. |
For most of my adult life, this has all seemed like too much to ask. If I hit two out of three of the above, I’d call it a day and slap down the plastic. I’ve put up with bras that made me look like I was wearing two coconut shells on my chest, that dug in leaving red marks or shifted southward during the day. For the last few years, I’d mostly given up on the pretty and settled for fit and comfort.
But a few weeks ago, I hit the wall with my ugly bras. My old bras were nearing the end of their shelf life, and I was determined to find something pretty that was also a perfect fit.
I’m sure there are probably some “old school” lingerie boutiques somewhere here in LA, where stout, mustachioed ladies with ambiguous European accents and discerning scowls and measuring tapes draped around their necks invoke the ancient lore and show up in the dressing room with that rare and perfect bra, woven from mermaid’s hair and available only from a tiny manufacturer in a village somewhere in Brittany, which they proceed to fasten with an indignant tug, poke and prod everything into place, then stand back and admire their handiwork.
But I don’t know the location of any of those boutiques. So I wound up at the {intimacy} lingerie shop which had opened about a year ago in a nearby mall. I’d stopped in just to peruse the selection few times previously, but had always declined the offers to make an appointment for a fitting. The Sales Associates all seemed so *young* and brought back the memory of a teenage Victoria’s Secret employee who’d insisted that a 34D was EXACTLY the same as a 32DD the last time I’d stepped foot in a Vicky’s, some six years ago. But like Richard Gere’s character Mayo in “An Officer and a Gentleman,” I had nowhere else to go.
I first filled out a questionnaire outlining my brassiere-related concerns and desires, then was escorted to a fitting room. The lovely and patient Sales Associate (who had neither a mustache nor a measuring tape) explained that finding the right bra was a matter not only of band and cup size, but also breast shape. She took a look at my current bra and determined that I was wearing the right band and cup size. She brought in several for me to try. On about Bra #6, we hit the Bra-fecta. I knew as soon as I put it on. It just *felt* right, even before I had a good look. It is from a Belgian company, though as far as I can tell, isn’t made from mermaid hair.
The Girls’ new best friend:
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| PrimaDonna Menton full-cup. No, this isn’t me. |
The moral of this long story? Go get a bra fitting, from someone who knows what they’re doing. You can hit the Bra-fecta too, the odds are good!
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 United States License.
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I too have hit the wall even after purchasing the highly hyped vanishing back bra from Soma as well as some sexy (non-work day) bras from Fredericks.
There is an Intimacy in Houston, but now that I’m in Sacramento (a virtual wasteland), I will trot over to Nordstrom and hope and pray I wont have to break the bank for a good-fitting bra that I dont want to burn by 5pm.
I whole heartedly agree. By coincidence (or perhaps not, I think our body shapes are very similar) my most recent bra purchase was a PrimaDonna. I’ve been saving up for my next visit to my lingere shop for a new spring bra.
On this topic: I hate bra shopping almost as much as swimsuit shopping, but yes, it does make a big difference to have the right fit. sigh. I do love Le Mystere- and I can buy online, and measure myownself. I’m sure a pro would do better, but that requires so much effort!
Also, on an unrelated note: I have recently discovered Bobbi Brown’s Face Base spf 50. I got a sample, and used it thinking I’d go back to my good old cheap OoO. Nope. The difference is astonishing. And the BB is only $38, which isn’t too bad. You might put that one on your “to try” list.
I found a lovely shop in Oxford, Bravissimo, which gave me my best bra fitting ever and produced a pretty bra that fit. Oh, the difference!
I love the PrimaDonna bras and they last so well if you hand wash them. I wear their nude tee shirt bra…and it is comfortable and offer super support.
I have a weakness for lingerie….
looks like you might too!
When I was in my Twenties, I lived in Seattle and did most of my shopping at I Magnin’s. There was a wonderful red headed bra lady who looked and dressed like Julia Child (although an entire foot shorter). She would put you into a dressing room and immediately bring you several perfect fitting bras. You never even saw her glance at your chest. A Bra Savant, if you will. She had a measuring tape around her neck, but no one had ever seen her use it. After they closed down, I just ordered Breezies from QVC or Chantelle from Nordstroms, since they both are so good about returns.
This wise, wise post is laugh-out-loud hysterically funny, and confirms my contention that you are one of the most amusing writers I know. The paragraph about the ladies with discerning scowls is nothing short of brilliant. Made my day!
Pretty! Bras and shoes become less and less negotiable as I get older, and once you know comfort in either piece of apparel you never, never want to go back again…the sainted Peg Bracken of the “I Hate to Housekeep” book series, had a list of things that you could cheat on , financially, (cocktail dresses and purses) and things that you simply had to budget for: Haircuts and shoes—I would definitely add bras to that category. You must be getting excited!
I have been struggling with this for years. My girls are large altho’ I’ve refused to go to a D cup because the bras are so ugly and huge. As a young woman, I wore a 34C. I’m now up to a 38C but probably need a D but would love to find a bra fitting place. Unfortunately, where I live, a resort town in the mountains, there are only outlet stores. I’ll have to diligently look the next time I’m in the city, perhaps at the large mall. Meanwhile, what does one pay for a fitted bra?
I recently got a bra fitting at Nordstrom’s after losing some weight…it is amazing how diffent it makes you feel when the girls are up and happy!! It also makes you look like you lost a bunch of weight!! I paid around $70 bucks per bra. The ladies at Nordstom’s did a fabulous job and were very attentive…I recommend this for every woman…it makes a huge difference!
Being of the same size….I might have to hunt down an Intimacy shop here in Houston. For now the best I have been able to do is the vanishing back bra from Soma. Love the smooth back and the straps that don’t slip off my shoulder! Extra points for that!
For those of us with our own life-long PFDs (Personal Flotation Devices), your item #3 is why I purchase bras in France when I can. Not only must there be some (heavy-duty) Eiffel Tower Engineering involved, but they’re beautiful.
And women of any age, shape or status ought to be able to feel beautiful. Properly fitted and pretty lingerie is one way to do it. And I might add – though expensive (comparatively), when something is well made and it lasts – you not only get beauty, but value.
PS – I agree with MetScan. Lise Charmel is amazing. Likewise, Aubade.
I’ve tried on the Vanishing Back bras at Soma (after being duly measured, etc) and they made me look huge! There is something about that particular bra that just won’t work for me. I’m a D cup and agree that it is difficult to find anything that is pretty. I also don’t want anything see through revealing as I wear a lot of knit tops. That means extra padding (which I don’t need) to make sure i don’t show through.
There is an Intimacy shop at our local mall. I may make an appt. I really like the bra you chose Deja Pseu and wonder if it would work for me.
I know this lady of whom you speak! She owned a shop I stumbled into about 8 years ago and sold me the most perfect $100 bra ever. it lasted 7 years but alas, no mermaid hair. I have to see if she is still alive and her shop still open. Olga deserves a chocolate for her tour of duty in keeping my girls gravity defiant.
Pseu, that’s funny that you love the Prima Donna because that’s the bra I love too, in a slightly different variation — the Madison:
http://www.prima-donna-bras.com/prima-donna-madison-bra-full-cup.html
I got them in black and nude and they fit like a dream.
I have never realized, that bra shopping is serious business.
Accidentally ( as usual ), I once stepped into a shop and the owner of the shop, an elderly lady, showed me the Lise Charmel collection. I fell in love immediately. Ever since, I have favored that brand. The models are great, of perfect quality and so beautiful too.
My best bra experience ever was at the Intimacy store in Chicago 2 yrs ago(closest Intimacy store to me). It was wonderful. I desperately need to return there.
California Girl – get the right cup size, it will change your life! The bra I chose was about $90, but IMO worth every penny. Once you know your ideal brand, model and size, search the internet and you can often find on sale.
Pam – Nordstrom has done a good job for me fitting bras in the past; my issue has been that the one nearest us has a very limited selection of brands. Sometimes one needs to try several different brands to find The One. I’m glad to hear you were happy with your results!
Northmoon – I wasn’t really aware of this brand before, but now they’re definitely on my radar!
cafelatte – oh, I agree, bra shopping is just heinous. If you’re able to get a good fit on your own, more power to you! I’ll definitely check out the Bobbi Brown Face, thanks!
Pearl – isn’t is amazing??
hostess – this brand is really wonderful! I haven’t been much for lingerie in the past, but am developing a taste for it!
Beryl – I. Magnin’s! That brings back some memories. Yes, these Bra Savants are amazing aren’t they?
Susan Tiner – oh, that’s a pretty one too!
metscan – it certainly can be. For those of us who need a lot of support, it’s not always easy. I’ll keep an eye out for the Lise Charmel brand.
Marsha – thanks so much, so glad you enjoyed it!
Katriona – I agree! A good bra makes everything you wear look better.
Lisa – haven’t tried that one. Do check out the intimacy shop. They don’t charge a thing for fittings, and it’s a worthwhile endeavor.
BigLittleWolf – I’ve always been given to understand that in France it’s hard to find nice bras above a C cup. If I’ve been misinformed, I will definitely do more lingerie shopping on our next trip!
Susan – I highly recommend a visit. They have a better selection of bras than most department stores (at least here). I had some specific criteria in mind and they were able to fix me right up.
Sandy – these ladies are truly a vanishing breed, I think. If you’ve found one, she’s a treasure.
RoseAG – I’d agree with you up to a point. If you have the name and model #’s of the bra(s) that work for you, then a google search can often turn up a sale price. But I wouldn’t expect something I find at Target to be as well constructed and great fitting as this one is, even if it is the right size.
Frugal Scholar – and you know, since my early teens I would’ve traded places with my flat chested friends In. A. Heartbeat. Would not have deliberated for a second.
Kristine – it’s definitely worth a trip. But I imagine a visit to Chicago is worth a trip!
sisty – the straps on the bra I bought are placed closer together in back and don’t slip. You might want to ask your local bra experts if they have any ideas.
As a woman who wears an “F” cup, I totally agree that getting “fit” every bra shopping trip is very important. Also, when getting a bra that actually does it’s job, I have discovered that it will cost at least $75.
There are three items of clothing that are important to fit well and be comfortable: a great bra, comfortable shoes and good underwear. If any of these pinches or is too tight, your entire day is ruined.
Lunachance
I also had a good experience with intimicy here in San Diego. I went there on advice of a friend who had gotten good service at the Chicago store. The fitter spent a lot of time with me, and I ended up finding out that Chantelle was a good brand for me. I spend way more money on bras than I used to, but I think it’s worth it.
Oops, sorry for the typo. That’s intimacy.
One thing I noticed after being fitted was that the band size that “fit” was smaller than what I’d been wearing.
In the beginning it seemed a little tight.
The thing to do is pay full price with a fitter and then fill out your wardrobe in the size she suggests at lower priced places.
Nancy Pelosi is someone who could use a better bra.
Being flat-chested caused me so much misery in my youth. Now I am grateful. I don’t need to even wear a bra!
We have one of those lingerie stores here in Washington, complete with the Eastern European prison-matron proprietor, and I’ve had a lot of success there. Also, there is a great bra expert at our local Neiman Marcus. A really good bra costs plenty (around $70) but for me it’s non-negotiable to get the right fit and then forget about it.
I’m similar in shape to you, Pseu, and what still eludes me is non-slip straps. The day that I find a bra with straps that don’t slip is the day I will sign over my soul.
The make is more important than anything. It is which product works best with your breast shape. I’ve got some new bras made by Wacoal and I love them. I’m an E cup so know what you mean! xx
The right bra changes not only your bustline but your entire torso. French bras (Charmel, Aubade, Barbara) create a different profile, I’d say ‘pointier’ but I don’t mean an arrowlike projection. American bras (at least the mass market ones) create a rounder profile. (Apparently this is deliberate.) (Read this in an old New Yorker article; I buy both types and it’s true for me.)
A lot of the support is in the sides (“wings”) and the back. Two-hook bras are absolutely out for me, and I am “only” a C.
Nice bra designs. I love the simpler sexy one that would lift the breast better.
I got wonderful service and a fabulous selection of beautiful(and well-priced) bras at Laure Sokol in the Marais. My GF (who’s been living in Paris for 6 years) wears a 34E, has a huge collection of lingerie, and swears by this shop — not sure if you’ll want to fit a visit in when you’re travelling with le monsieur, but thought I should mention it.
How I loathe bra shopping. Having once been a respectable 34C, post second kid I was reduced to a 32B/C (depending on the brand) – much choice in terms of style, but I can still never find anything that fits, flatters and is affordable. As with most shopping, I get overwhelmed and depressed!
Lisa, I am also in Houston and there is an Intimacy store in the Galleria. I’ve seen it, but have never tried it. As a middle aged woman with a D cup, I might just need to go there!
I’m kind of amused by the comments, because it seems nobody’s happy with what they have: I used to be a 34B/C, which I loved, but now I’ve gained weight and lost “perkiness”. My mom and granny both were quite large busted, on small frames, and hated it. They complained all the time about their boobs! My two teenage daughters are likewise pretty busty (one’s a C, one’s a DD), and wish they were smaller. Then on the other hand, their aunties on their dad’s side have all had breast implants. We totally do not understand them.
But the coconut look is hot! 😀
Ever since a bra-fitter at Saks told me I was a 36A – broad-shouldered as I am – I’ve been able to find bras pretty easily. It is worth the effort, getting a fitting, even for those of us not terribly endowed.
Thank you, thank you and thank you for saying how once you pass a certain size you can’t find a matching set anywhere! I have to go to a specialty shop for my bras as no department store or Vicky’s Secret carries anything I can wear. It’s like they feel if the girls are large then you aren’t attractive enough to wear matching sets. Now, don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t plan on walking a runway but the knowledge that my undergarments are as attractive as my outer ones is important to me and a secret for my partner. Large chested women deserve to feel attractive too. Hmmm, sounds like a business opportunity!
I’m a 34E and also find it difficult to find the perfect bras. I always get fitted but it is real trial and error with the sizes and brands. I love beautiful lingerie but find it difficult to find matching sets that will fit me in the bottom. They are always cut too low or are thong type knickers which I loath. Oh the problems the problems;)
I, too, am indebted to Nordstrom’s for bra fitting. I love to wear a pretty lacy bra. I like underwire without padding.
I’ve found Wacoal to be a great value – not too pricey, but always well made and properly fitting.
On the cheap end of things, Felina is surprisingly good. In my size – 36 C – I can get surprisingly good and pretty bras.
I have one Lejaby bra that I love, and will mourn when its elastic finally bites the dust.
I had a great experience with the bra fitters in Paris at Le Bon Marche – came away with three beautiful bras. Chantelle and Simone Perele are great brands.
Someone upthread mentioned Lise Charmel – I love the way they look, but the lace is so scratchy!!!
Oh, and for those who don’t like shopping? As long as you know your brand and size, shopping online is great. I use Figleaves.com and Barenecessities.com
I laugh at the comment that no one is satisfied with what they have. I remember being a 34 C when I was in my mid 20s and weighed around 120 lbs. I guess I was satisfied then. The issue with being a D is looking matronly. THAT’s what I try to avoid. It does help to be tall and wearing knit tops definitely works best for me most of the time.
Lunachance – I agree completely. Bras are one of those items that are really worth an investment, as they’ll make everything else you wear look better.
SewingLibrarian – glad to hear you had a good experience too!
Shirley Bongbong – this bra is a good combination of style and function, thanks!
Tiffany – I get overwhelmed too, which is why this kind of shop is so nice. You just stay in the room and they bring the bras to you.
Make Do Style – Wacoal bras are great too.
Duchesse – yes! The profile on this one isn’t quite as round, and I really like that.
materfamilias – oh thank you, will definitely go there!!
Jill Ann – I’d really encourage a visit there next time you need to replenish your bras. And so true about how the grass is always greener…true for hair too.
WendyB – and you smell like a pina colada!
LPC – That’s a good point. I have some willowy friends who also say they have trouble finding the right bras.
Anonymous 1 – If I ran the universe, matching sets would be available in all bra sizes, and with at least two different styles of panties!
Anonymous 2 – I hear you. I hate the thong styles too.
Aunt Snow – I hadn’t thought of trying Bon Marché. (Love that store!!!)
Susan – I think the trick to avoid looking matronly with a larger cup size is to get enough lift, and try to find bras that have (as Duchesse described) a less rounded profile. But yes, knit tops are a godsend!
Coupla (late) thoughts here:
It is the band that does most of the support work, so it should fit snugly (but not uncomfortably) on the first hook. That way you can move it over to the second hook when it stretches out, as it will. (And that little bit between the cups should be completely flat against your body.)
I’d always avoided the “pointy” sort of soutien-gorge, as it seemed too retro-scary to me. But Duchesse is right — it is a more youthful profile. (My bazooms were never all that pointy, even in my gilded youth, but a girl can fake it.)
I like Wacoal’s French Garden style — it has molded cups that are ever so slightly pointy — it’s a very pretty bra, even at 40DD (I have to go up a cup size in Wacoal which I think is pretty common for the brand.), and it gives me a knockout rack! Now that I know my size, I find them on eBay all the time, for about half of retail.
Would you commnet on tummy control shapewear in a future column? I cannot seem to get a smooth fit in that area with a garment that is comfortable, that I can pull on without poking holes in it, or look like a bulging sack in.
more great advice on your blog!
i just found my perfect bra a few days ago, at victoria’s secret. (had darn-near given up on them, with all their bras that look pretty but are super-duper padded/lifted/molded…and i don’t want that.) a bra specialist/fitter showed me their new “nakeds” line and i was sold! finally- everything i wanted in a bra.
I have issues with every bra that has an underwire. I like the support I get with an underwire, however after a few months the wire ends up poking me under the arm. Barely there bandini bra is my second bra in this style. I like the support and how it lasts long than just a few months.