Of Holy Grails and Chasing the Wild Goose

Suburban Splendor!
When une femme was a jeune fille, every now and then my parents would partake in that early 60’s phenomenon known as the Cocktail Party. Dad would stock the bar, Mom would stock up on frozen hors d’oeurves that required only fiften minutes at 400 degrees to reach their peak of roof-of-mouth-burning steamy goodness. As party time approached, Mom would wiggle into her girdle, slip on a “cocktail dress”, heels and some red lipstick and start pre-heating the oven, while Dad emptied ice trays into a bucket. At exactly 5:30pm, the stereo would be fired up with some Arthur Lyman, and the kids would be banished to the bedroom with a small black and white TV, after a dinner bowl of Cheerios (which today would get you accused of child abuse, but at the time we considered a real treat) from where we’d creep out into the hallway to sneak a peek at the dressed up grownups guzzling GinandTonics. As the night wore on and we grew increasingly bored and tired, and increasingly hyperactive, threats of “don’t make me come in there!” echoed down the hall as we jumped up and down on the bed and launched ourselves across the room at a pile of pillows or broke each other’s toys. (My mother’s expression, “the more the adults drink, the sillier the kids get” held some truth.)

We did hate being shut out of the action (and attention). But seeing my parents and their friends get dressed up was as close as I got to glamour in those days, and une femme has always been a sucker for glamour. I was certain that when I was old enough, I’d put on a fancy dress, heels and red lipstick, and have my turn to sparkle.

Even now as I’ve passed the 50-mark, two of my markers of female adulthood have eluded me. I have yet to find the “little black dress” that every style book under the sun says I must have, and have had only fleeting success with finding a wearable red lipstick. At this point, one must question how essential these actually are, yet my quest for these two Holy Grails continues.
Yesterday I spend a couple of hours trying on some LBD’s at Macy’s and Nordstrom, and a more unflattering, unsophisticated lot of garments I’ve never seen. High-necked, boxy, babydoll (I thought that trend was supposed to be over!), cap-sleeved, smocked, tentlike…and not a waistline in the bunch! As a short, big-busted and short-waisted femme, the available selection was like a parade of DON’Ts for my figure type. At this point, it seems my only choices are to either give up on the LBD or find a dressmaker.
But I did have a smattering of luck with the lips, after trying a few brands and colors. While not a true red, Laura Mercier’s Stickgloss in “Poppy” is a bit sheer and works with my coloring without looking clownish. I’d tried this before when my hair was lighter and rejected it, but with my current hair color it works. I’m still open to a true red for the cocktail parties and art gallery openings I hope to be invited to someday. Most of the time I want a subtler look but still with a bit of color and shine, and found Laura Mercier’s Lip Plumper in “Persimmon” which not only feels good on (it’s the peppermint) but seems to have pretty decent staying power for a gloss.
Glamour still eludes me, but at least my lips look good.
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9 Comments

  1. Ah, Deja — when I was young, my parents ENTERTAINED. A month did not go by between September and June when our house was not filled with their friends all dressed up, talking witty talk, and eating wonderful things that we coveted like Pepperidge Farm Coissants. I actually inherited a cocktail dress that my mom had knocked off from a designer thing she had seen at Loehmans in the Bronx which cost, gasp, $100 in 1960. It was very clever, one of those typical early 60s shapes, with the strapless sheath underneath and the sheer overdress with sleeves on top, but the true cleverness about it was that the under-dress was a wild floral print and the over-dress was a sheer dark blue. Just my favorite dress ever and I still have it in storage. Doesn’t fit me at all(my mother was 5’10” and wore a 38 A bra — try to find one of those now). Me? I’m 5’2″ and well..we won’t go into the rest. But I love that dress..
    As for your LBD problem – you already know the answer: Find a dressmaker.

  2. toby – my parents used the word “entertaining” too, and I’ve inherited their enjoyment of putting together a good bash.

    If anyone knows a good dressmaker in the West LA area, I’m all ears.

    LBR – I’ll be back from Vegas by Sunday night, so maybe Laura will be my LBD Angel as well.

    I’m charging the camera battery now and will try to capture the lip colors for you. And YES, I still want to go lipstick shopping! Someday someone is going to invite me to a swanky event and I’m going to need a good red in my arsenal.

  3. All of my little black dresses have come from Trashy Diva (with the exception of one, which came from Express). I adore them all, and they’re super flattering.

    As for that red lipstick.. I doubt I will ever find a good shade…

  4. Your LBD could even be dove gray or espresso brown, it’s an attitude, a dress type that does not scream ‘look at me’ like a Cavali print.

    I can’t find any dresses either; they are too short, too missy. Dressmaker! I want some heavy, very retro black lace on mine.

  5. I have a few black dresses–and I do like them. But, none that I love. I hope that Laura will have the answer to my LBD prayers next week on QVC.

    Would you be willing to kiss a cocktail napkin or something, I would love to see the colours you got. I still want to shop for lipsticks when I come to L.A.

  6. At least you got something out of that trip. Trying on dresses can be demoralizing.

    I see that you posted about the lip glosses above, but I read this post second, so I hope you will forgive my asking which you chose. Sorry!

    I love what you wrote here, about your childhood memories. Really nice reading. Evocative.

  7. ashe – love the Trashy Diva dresses…they’re very 40’s pinup!

    kathleen – I’d certainly consider something in grey or brown, just not navy!

    enc – glad you enjoyed reading!

  8. Dejapseu:

    I did not see my mother get into her 50s and I am far. far, far from it myself. But on the LBD thing, I have to tell you this. The dressmaker took me shopping, now that she has a great idea what works and what does not work. She measures everything ahead so I did not have to try on things that would make me sick and tired of shopping.

    And I found not one but two black dresses.

    One was from Reiss where the belt can be replaced by a Hermes scarf, if need be, with the help of an Asprey clasp designed specially for using scarves as belts:

    http://www.reiss.co.uk/gb-en/catalogue/women/dresses/8067-sunflower

    And the other was a Diane von Furstenberg dress on sale for £80! It was a great find. That is even sleeker in lines than the Reiss dress and not in manmade fabric.

    http://store.dvflondon.com/cnb/shop/dvflondon?productID=569455&op=catalogue-product_info-null&prodCategoryID=34

    When you go to Paris, do consider coming to London on train from Gare du Nord. If you let me know ahead, I can arrange to meet you and introduce you to the dressmaker. She is fabulous!