The Layered Look
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| The ever irreverent Man Repeller |
I’m not talking about the layers we wear, but rather the layers of expectation and perception we place over our own images.
A few days ago, I posted about cutting myself some slack on trying to do What I Wore (WIW) shots. I mentioned that I’m often feeling that I don’t “look right” in what I’m wearing in those pictures, and wanted to a) understand it better myself and b) explain a bit.
First of all, well yes, on the surface it’s about weight and body type. Growing up, I learned that there was one “right” way to look in one’s clothes, and that meant straight and thin. My mother, who struggled with weight herself, cast a critical eye on every garment I tried on and filtered the judgement through the lens of “does it make you look fatter or thinner?” Looking thinner was all that mattered. It’s been a real challenge to learn to see myself without that filter, and sometimes I can’t.
Would I feel that I look better in clothes if I were actually thinner? Probably (depending on your definition of “better”). My “thin” looks more like this:
than this:
But how my own body measures up to some imagined (and impossible-for-me) ideal isn’t truly the root source of my discomfort. So what’s at work here?
First, I’m still really out of my element posing for the camera, trying to get the most flattering angle that still shows outfit details, getting the facial expression just right, trying to smile…well honestly I just feel silly. I’m fine with doing a quick iphone snap in the mirror on my way out the door or posing for vacation snapshots, but being the subject of my own photo shoot wakes up that old “who do you think you are?” critical voice in my head. And it requires carving out a sizable chunk of time to arrange the backdrop, set up, get dressed, shoot, change, shoot, etc., which adds to my sense of self-consciousness about the whole endeavor.
And mostly, I’m realizing that I’ve been trying too hard to wear more “interesting” ensembles motivated by potential WIW posts, and ultimately mucking up my own style out of fear of being “boring” or drab. Put me in jeans, a jacket and a pair of pointy toe pumps or boots (low heel, natch!) and I’m smack in the middle of my Style Sweet Spot. The bottom line is that I’ve fallen victim to over-thinking and over-styling (for me), and I can see it in my own pictures, even if others can’t. Conversely, when I hit that Style Sweet Spot, I feel great in what I’m wearing, whether or not it photographs well, whether or not it’s conventionally flattering or “interesting” or “in style.” All the self-consciousness and body insecurity drops away.
The truth is, I never started out to have a What I Wore type style blog. I was more interested in writing more generally about style, lifestyle, attitudes, ageing and living our best lives after 50. I’m all for visibility and promoting images of women who aren’t young, or airbrushed or model-thin, and applaud those style bloggers who are representing us so fabulously. I think it’s good for us and good for younger women to see that style doesn’t stop after age 40 or size 6. And when it feels right and organic and fun to do so, I’ll happily participate.
Are you comfortable in front of the lens? Did it come naturally or was it something you learned?
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I’ve discovered that some outfits look better in real life, and others work for photos. Just because it looks crap in a photo doesn’t mean that it doesn’t look good on you.
Oh no, I hate having my photo taken. I’ve been on many photoshoots in my career but prefer to stay on the other side of the lens. I think you should dress for yourself and carry on writing thought-provoking posts. Don’t feel forced into something that feels unnatural. I get so tired of ‘photo opportunity’outfits – I see it so much in London, particularly around fashion week. Much better to look chic.
Ma chere (whom I’ve not met!). This is YOUR blog! Do what you want and write what you want! We come here because we like YOU and what you have to say and how you are thoughtful. Don’t beat yourself so much–whatever you do you will have a following.
You perfectly captured the challenges I have been experiencing when attempting to take WIW photos. My blog is in it’s infancy, and I have not yet found that ‘style sweet spot’. No matter; I believe it will develop over time. Right now, for me. posing and accomplishing a natural facial expression seems a bit contrived. Either way, I’m determined to stick with it; I’m learning so much about what looks good and what does not.
I enjoy the diversity of your blog! WIW photos or not, it’s a wonderful place to stop in blogland!
If you goal it share style ideas and combinations – then as a reader, I prefer the “Polyvore” type presentations. I find those help me see clothes/outfits in a new way without the distraction of the body underneath. Sometimes seeing the clothes on another body makes me not interested in trying because “my waist is not that thin or I’m too short for that”. With flat – no body outfits – I focus on the clothes, the colors, the patterns and am inspired to try something new. It was one of your early Polyvore outfit posts that caused me to start following your blog. I loved the style.
You should blog for fun. If some part of it isn’t fun, then don’t do it. Life brings enough pressure without putting ourselves through something onerous — and optional.
Amities,
Marsi
HATE posing for photos. Especially when I think I look great (read…thin) because when I see the photo, all my good feelings fly right out the window, and I would rather hold on to my good feelings. This weekend I have to attend a family wedding, and photos will be taken. I will try to stand in the back at every opportunity.
I read your blog for the thought provoking posts such as this…not really for the pictures. And for everyone’s comments…to feel like I’m part of a discussion. I think you should do whatever you want. I agree with someone above that the polyvore shots are pretty if you feel like it.
I don’t like having my picture taken either. If it looks good I’m all happy…yes, that’s what I look like! If it looks bad I think it’s an awful picture. If someone says my awful picture looks good, then that’s really awful…do I really look like that?! Very difficult to win.
First off, your blog has many dimensions and for the most part they each speak well to me, a bit more than over 50! That said, I think most of us by mid-age know what is best for our “core” style. However, experimenting, thinking and sometimes over-thinking our style is a growth process. When I go too far afield, I know it. My clothing is too colorful, too tight, too loose, too something not right and I go back to my favorites. They might be a bit boring, no doubt, but they are me…thus I think I am boring. Oh well, it could always be something worse.
The photo thing is a difficult one. Personally, I have no desire to photograph myself. In group photo’s I make sure I stand near my son. At 6 feet 4 inches he makes me look smaller! I grew up with a very critical mother who constantly compared me to every relative, friend or stranger on the street. Needless to say, lots of self-image issues remain and despite every attempt will likely never be resolved. My blog is not a style blog so that mostly excludes me from the process, but in sewing I defer to my dress form, Bertie.
In growth comes perspective and I think yours is spot on. So please keep sharing your experiences and insights. I look forward to your posts and am encouraged that our age group is defining style and sharing it willingly.
I religiously read your blog and truth be told would find it less interesting if there was an abundance of WIW. I tend not to follow the WIW bloggers (with apologies I can’t get past years of fashion mags brainwashing visuals of lean, tall bodies that function as clothes hangars.) However, you and several others bring insights, commentary, great resources and referrals that I value for real world fashion. I enjoy seeing your latest acquisitons – e.g. cool leather jacket in Paris — but I don’t need you to model it. I vote for the existing content and appreciate all of your commitment and continuity to this blog.
love to see what you are wearing! I don’t show my face so I don’t mind posting outfit snaps. Never plan them for the blog bUt always dress for the weather! XX
Sometimes, I have tried to photograph an outfit that came out well. It is for my “record” only. I have always been disappointed in my pictures and only occasionally have one taken that I feel looks like the picture in my head that I have of myself. It is fine that you do not post yourself wearing your outfits. It would not make a difference to the quality of your blog. With that said, I did enjoy your picture of the gorgeous green leather jacket you purchased in France. Perhaps, you can just photograph an ensemble organized on the floor. I think you have done that before, and it is helpful to have an idea about the different garments you are referring to—-particularly for packing. It really is about your comfort level. I actually prefer NOT to see WIW shots every day. (Would love to see a Mother-of -the-Groom picture) which would involve professional photographers.
Good question! I am comfortable in front of the camera when I feel good (in general) about myself – how I look, what my shape is at any given time. It’s amazing to me that, sometimes, I’m all over the pics. And other times I just want to run when I see the crappy photos of myself.
I feel very much like you do because I am not model thin, I am what statistics say is “average.”
The voice in my head is my own critical one, not that of my Mother’s. It is from years of gazing at fashion magazines and my perceptions of how I feel that I “should” look ad these thoughts are skewed by years of self doubt and criticism.
Body image is an interesting topic, one that I think a large majority of women struggle with…
wouldn’t it be nice if we could let it go?
I’ve noticed that photos that I pose for seem to come out worse than candid shots, and I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong when I pose. Next time, I’ll try the suggestion of leaning toward the camera. A friend said that you have to court the camera.
Because I am inherently nosy and came late to thinking about “what to wear” I enjoy your clothing-related posts and photos — but I enjoy the musings more than the snaps, you know? And really I enjoy your variety of topics.
[See “nosy” above.]
I’m bummed you’re feeling (self-)pressured to dress in ways that don’t feel authentic in order to get a more interesting shot. You have enough responsibility and pressures in your life, woman.
Personally I rarely do portraits on my blog because most of what I wear is rather…snooze-y. And there’s the whole photogenic etc thing you mentioned.
But then my style goal is to look relatively put-together, glow-y due to flattering-enough colors, appropriate enough for the setting, blah blah. I’m definitely not trying to be an influencer or tastemaker for the over 40s, ha (not saying you are, of course — in fact I *think* it’s the opposite), just trying to feel good in what I wear and explore aspects of my personality that have been internal vs external for most of my life.
One thing I will freely admit is that it’s lovely to get compliments on one’s clothing/outfit/accessories if there’s been a dearth of such things throughout one’s life. I know when I’m feeling extra stressed that’s a nice little ego boost.
Maybe explore whether you are seeking external validation more than you’d like on the blog due to The Mother Issue, or whether you should keep seeking it due to the issue? I see you as being self-aware enough to know why you are doing something and whether it’s TRULY positive in the long run.
Another thought – a friend who is a photographer says that in fact, what the camera sees and photographs isn’t the same as what we see. So, if your WIW feels better that the pic, it probably is better.
I am relatively new to reading blogs, don’t have one of my own. But yours is a daily treat for me because of the entertaining and diverse topics. The photos of you in France were wonderful–a lovely women in a beautiful setting. Keep up the good work and don’t worry about the WIW posts. If it suits you, do it. If not, don’t fret. Your discussions keep me coming daily.
I hate getting my picture taken, and it shows!! Plus I agree with you that it’s a lot of effort if you don’t live with anyone to take the shot.
But as I commented on Materfamilias I’m more interested in your intelligent comments on life as a woman of a certain age, with some style/shopping ideas and thoughts thrown in occasionally.
First time here and read your post with interest as I had similar feelings/thoughts about photographing what I was wearing or in my case what I was making or refashioning. In my case I wasn’t even photographing the clothes I made because I didn’t think it would be interesting to others. But friends told me I must, so I tried that out for awhile. Eventually I did an occasional shot of myself (through the mirror) because you couldn’t get a sense of the piece without it being on. I found I was completely disinterested in other blogs that only featured WIW posts. After nearly a year I began shooting what I made and how I put it together on me through the mirror and called them clothes collages. Gradually I began photoshopping myself onto different backgrounds I had shot at different times.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, just do what you want to do + a little bit more. Because I listened to myself, but still did something outside my comfort zone, I ended up exploring something creative that I do really enjoy. I’ve bookmarked your blog to come back to again and again. Thanks!
Pseu, I enjoy your musings on life, travel and fashion. Photos of you doing the WIW are a treat but really your blog has so much more that the photos aren’t necessary. I only ask one thing (humorously of course) your fabulous green leather Zadig&Voltaire jacket from Paris is so gorgeous that I would like to see photos of you in that every once in a while. I completely covet that jacket!
There are so many important issues here – not the least of which is what we as a society put women through relative to appearance – weight, height, hair color, body type, style – and of course – God forbid we should have a wrinkle (or six) much less unbleached teeth or a crooked nose!
As for the FAT issue (and our body self-image), I’ve taken it on many times in life (and at my site), because I’m incensed that what seems to have begun in the 60s is worsening. That image of Christina Hendricks? Gorgeous. Recent comments about Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton being “overweight” at a normal size for a woman of 64? Outrageous. What we “regular women” live with – including the pressures we put on ourselves?
Unacceptable.
Of course we care what we look like (so do men). Of course we require more “maintenance” as we get older (so do men). And yes, we become less comfortable in front of the lens (I know I have) as we see our own age and as we recognize changes in our bodies we may not love.
I would hope we’d all learn to love ourselves as we are – correct (if we can) what has to do with health, and deal with the substance of who we are as individuals, women, contributors to society, family members.
One last personal note – I recently “came out” of anonymity on my site, after 3 years. I really didn’t want pictures of myself because I want my questions, my ideas, and the discussion to be the focal point. But, we all want to see “who” someone is. To look at them and get an impression. I will say that putting a picture on my site (and then another as a banner on a professional site) was strange, slightly uncomfortable, but then we never see ourselves as others see us.
I think you should do what makes you comfortable. I also think you should push your own limits. (Contradiction?) In other words, perhaps a bit of both. I get the discomfort, but the more we see real women with real bodies who are perfect as they are and healthy – the better. For all of us.
(Stepping off my soapbox now.)
xoxo
I Used to hate photos of myself until a professional photographer taught me some tricks. It is about filling the space between you and the camera as if you were leaning forward to chat to a loved one or a best friend. You could try experimenting with this idea.
I totally understand how you feel. My blog was almost two years old before I felt brave enough to post personal style photos. It was a very self-conscious exercise at first–not just taking the photos but posting them, ack, on the internet.
But I have to say that doing it week after week, month after month, helped me to finally get over myself. Now I see them as valuable clues about what looks good on me. I’ve also learned that despite taking 40-50 shots of every outfit, I always wind up choosing the same 1 or 2 poses!
The thing that keeps it from being a chore for me is that I only run one outfit photo a week. Sometimes I even shoot several of them at once on the weekend when my photographer (aka my husband) is available. Since it’s not meant to be a record of my daily outfits, but more examples of the kind of outfit advice I’m writing about elsewhere, I don’t think it matters.
All of which is to say, wear whatever you want, pose however you want and post however frequently you want to!
Also my first time here – and I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I started my blog just to catalog my “looks” for myself. I change my hair often and have a massive wardrobe and I wanted to have an easy way to flip through outfits and looks of the past.
Now that I have a few “followers” I feel more pressure to take good looking photos of myself and my outfits and it is awkward trying to get the right pose and facial expression!
Add to that, the fact that so many great blogs out there have photos that look professional – great lighting and composition etc. – it makes me a bit jealous!
But I agree with many of the people commenting here – you have so much to offer – WIW should be optional and you should just do it for fun, when you feel good about it! Looks like lots of people enjoy your blog and all you have to offer!
I really love finding women who aren’t very young and very skinny who love to dress nice and love fashion – it makes me really happy!
I never commented on Monday’s post, so I am kind of combining it here. Sorry. I have kind of faded out of WIW posts lately, and not really been reading the blogs that primarily feature them either. It is not that I am not interested in style, I am, but found it just took too much effort and attention and is not, in the end, what I am primarily interested in. I am interested in style, and in looking good, but increasingly I question how much of looking good is what makes us really happy and how much is some culturally imposed monster that has nothing to do with reality or even what actually looks good. Way too philosophical.
Posting photos of myself was always difficult. I hate being photographed. Even having learned a few tricks I do not always employ them and I find it a chore. It was a good lesson for me, forcing myself to sit in front of the camera and at least make some attempt at learning to accept it. For me photos were not so much an exercise in “look at me” in terms of craving attention, but in learning that photos are just one aspect of life. And taking photos did help me to look at myself and focus on my interests more fully. I still hate getting my picture taken. I accept that this will not change. That doesn’t mean there will not be occasional photos, and that it may even be fun to post them on occasion. But it is not a requirement.
Your blog is fabulous whether or not you ever show a photo of yourself, and the idea that you have to do so is just another form of tyranny. When it is fun to do so, go for it, otherwise go your own path.
When I first started to blog two years ago, I just wanted to be a fashion and style journalist for my age group and REPORT what was going on. It did not take long for someone to say that I needed to show what I was doing and get more personal if I wanted some success with a blog. So for months I was the headless horseman of fashion blogs and would only show my body and not my face. After coaxing from other bloggers, I worked up the courage to show all of me. Actually, I am really glad I did. It gave me a new confidence with my style and with pictures….up until that point, I ran from cameras. I think it helped me to accept myself as is right now where I am . I have never thought that I showed myself as an example of how to do things right, but I show myself as an example of a confident, joyful woman who enjoys fashion as a hobby and is always a work in progress!! I hope that it encourages others.
What a great post. I’ve sensed you “struggling” with your own style, as you’ve done various experiments, like having your colors “done”, trying different silhouettes, etc. I liked your style best before your experimenting, when it was you, as you like to dress yourself. However, what I like isn’t important – it’s what you feel best in, and I sense you really do like your own minimalist, neutral palette way of dressing (as do I). So stick with what you feel great in, and that’s how everyone looks their best anyway.
Here, here!! I love reading your thoughtful posts, and mostly because your irreverence and intelligence shines through. I find the WIW posts to be my least favorite, much as I would if we were out to lunch and you spend the time talking about your outfit…so many more interesting things to discuss, even sartorially, than the details of what you elected to wear.
You said it yourself, in your post about the Style Sweet Spot — jeans, jacket and pointy toed, low-heeled shoes doesn’t put you in a rut, it’s a clearly defined, cultivated look. Don’t feel any pressure to post pictures — your thoughts and wit are more than enough — but I’m betting you’d feel differently about posting pictures of yourself in your “uniform.”
I am exactly the same as you, I didn’t start my blog as an “outfit a day” read. I mentioned a while ago about ducking out of a Daily Mail article because the thought of being photographed scared the hell out of me. Despite age, size or body shape some women are just photogenic, sadly I am not and take a terrible picture.
Interesting comments on how your mother judged your outfits based on how thin you looked. Just heard Terry Gross interview Joan Rivers on NPR’s Fresh Air and she asked, “do you wish you were less focused on your looks?” Joan replied, “it’s our society”. Hmmmmm…
I had a bone marrow transplant in 2010 and lost 20#s. Post-transplant I shopped for clothes & the sales woman asked, “What’s your secret for staying so thin?” I looked at her blankly and said, “Cancer”.
Hoping you stay cancer free.
We all have emotional baggage over how we look. Posting the occasional WIW picture is a great idea, but The Vivienne Files is one of my favorite blogs, and. I have only seen the back of Janice’s head and her wedding photos. If posting WIW pics is a goal of your blog than do it. I will read your blog because I like the intelligent women behind the scenes, not the pics of your latest outfit.
I know first hand how difficult it is to post take and post photographs but what you do is worth the effort. I really value seeing a real woman in real clothes in a real life. It gives me a much better view of how a dress or jacket would work for me. I think that retailers would find sales would increase if the fashion shoots looked more like you than a 6 foot tall anorexic 16 year old girls jumping against a white wall.
Pseu, like most of your readers I’m more interested in you than in what you wear. I love it when you get philosophical. If you enjoy WIW posts that’s fine, but I think you could wear jeans in every photo and it would not bore your readers. I am happy to see your smile and your adorable hair cut and rarely focus on the clothes.
Slammed with some work stuff and trying to get ready to go away for a few days, but just had to stop in and comment briefly. Your post echoes some of what I’ve been feeling, and it’s so reassuring to read the conversation that’s built around it.
And interesting to hear that a number of bloggers of our certain age are getting to this point — we’re still interested in fashion/style, but beginning to feel as if it’s occupying more space than we want or need it to in our otherwise very full lives. We want to preserve a space for playing with it, but we also want to allow it to fall into the background when the other stuff of life becomes more demanding or interesting. Makes me curious to go back and read some of our earliest posts, before the fashion stuff bullied its way to the foreground . . .
I thought if I did not take ballet class I would not have this desire to be thin, thinner, thinest. Thank you for being honest about your concerns. It is that comparison thing that is hard for me as well because the judge comes out to ask, “what are you trying to prove”? I have heard that judge all my life and I think it is my love for dance that has helped me deal with it. When that voice tells me I am too old or not good enough I have learned when I turn that off I do find so much joy dancing.
I think this helps me with taking my own photos as well. I think of it as a fun thing to do and hope to one day have more time to practice. But just like you I realized many things that I like to wear are not editorial and when I go shopping I get confused if I think I need to consider my outfit by what would look good in a photo.
It is not about the outfits for me when I visit blogs but rather how personable the person is and a photo can help make a connection with the person. Thank you for this honest discussion. I vote for being more visible no matter what you are wearing.
Prior to blogging, I was always self-conscious before a camera. Starting to take photos of myself helped me to understand what works in terms of poses and looks and little by little some of the self-consciousness has gone away. I am more comfortable with the camera…comfortable to the point that the flaws can show, comfortable with imperfection.
I’m behind in everything right now, so late to the party. I’m a regular and will continue to be no matter what you decide to do. I love your writing and what you have to say always interests me. I put together outfits because it’s fun and meditative for me, and it seems to mirror my process at this point in my life. The camera has become a new friend and I’m exploring and experimenting with photography along with technology, so my blog is evolving with me. Like you, I’m following my creative instincts, and whatever they are for each of us is a good thing.
I love the layered look, it looks so put together. I just can’t seem to pull it off. I always look thicker and heavier.