Tradition!
Click to play music while you read if you like. Vince Guaraldi, “Christmastime Is Here.”*
Growing up when I did, my contemporaries and I often regarded the concept of Tradition with suspicion. Tradition was seen as too often being a blind adherence to rituals that were no longer meaningful, or stultifying conformity that required too much sacrifice. (My 13-year-old self was firmly on the side of Tevye’s third daughter Chava, who defied her family’s traditions to follow her heart.) But at the same time, as a child I longed for more of what I might now view as a traditional life, especially around the holidays.
My family was not religious; we observed the more secular aspects of holidays like Christmas and Easter, while giving a brief nod to the religious origins. The few Christmas traditions that my family observed (and even some of these were a bit fluid) were completely upended when my parents divorced. It seemed that every year brought some different schedule of events, a different cast of characters. While some of these were fun times, I longed for familiarity and consistency, and traditions with a sense of continuity that resembled the more “normal” (or so I imagined) celebrations of my friends’ mostly intact families. The one thing that was constant throughout my years growing up and even after I’d moved away was that my mother insisted on a well decorated house and tree. She decorated for Christmas every year until she died.**
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| Nothing says “Christmas” like bottles of booze and toy guns! |
This time of year, I often feel a bit adrift. I’ll admit that at times I miss that sense of connectedness with my childhood and participation in popular culture that comes with decorating a tree, putting up lights, wrapping gifts, baking goodies and preparing a special foods. And I miss the anticipation. We don’t celebrate Christmas, and our Chanukah celebrations are less encompassing, often occurring earlier in the month and being over with and decorations packed away while the rest of the world seems to still be gearing up for the 25th. (Also, Chanukah is traditionally not as major a holiday for Jews as Christmas is for Christians.) Having lost both of my parents last year I felt–rather contrarily, considering my family’s ultimate lack of it–a strong pull toward tradition, and establishing some holiday season rituals of my own with a nod to the past and acknowledgement of the present. This year, I’m determined to do something to put that desire into action.
Yesterday, materfamilias posted about giving up some holiday traditions that had become wearing obligations, and how doing so freed her to eventually re-embrace some of them as joyful expressions. It reminded me again that as adults we can pick and choose what aspects of any holiday we celebrate and incorporate into our own lives. What I most miss about the holidays and what makes me feel connected to my family is festive decor, not a tree necessarily but I have visions of twinkling lights and evergreen garlands dancing in my head. Winter Solstice, anyone?
Do you observe holiday traditions that have been handed down from your family? Which are most meaningful? Have you set about to initiate some of your own?
*Of all of the Christmas music out there, the piece above from the Charlie Brown Christmas CD is my favorite. It’s pretty yes, but like the holiday season itself, at times evocative and reflective, a mix of joy and wistfulness.
**She was a bit obsessive actually, more on this later…
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What a lovely post , I hope you pick all of your favourite Christmas memories and bring them back to life. Go deck the halls!
I find the idea of celebrating the Winter Solstice uplifting. What better to celebrate than the move toward longer periods of soul-nourishing daylight?
Thanks for the nod. I’m thinking I should send you my abandoned arbutus (madrona) branch to wind mini-lights around (although I may yet revert to it in years to come). Perhaps you could bring a lemon tree inside and light that up! With your natural creativity, abundant warmth, and zest for a rich sensory life, I know you’ll find some wonderfully personalized festive notes that both bring back the best parts of the past and make promises about the future. Happy Holidays!
What a poignant post today…sorry for the loss of your parents, the grief and saddness seem to well up at holiday times…I feel it too.
I think that you can embrace traditions, create and personalize something that has meaning for you.
If possible, surround yourself with friends and those you love and just be in the moment.
Hugs
XO
Maybe this will help, re winter traditions and why we do them:
And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, revelling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us – listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome Yule!
Susan Cooper, The Shortest Day
I was talking about Christmas traditions with one of my friends and he said, “Ours was Mum breaking down in tears making dinner”. The strain on women was intense, despite those “jolly” corsages and Christmas pins.
We decline all invitations to travel (our extended families are distant); invite only dinner guests, fun but not major work. Sometimes the family even goes to the movies on Christmas afternoon!
Christmas is a bittersweet time, once one is older; we gather with those we love and miss those we can no longer see.
Your post really resonated with me, a former Catholic, now a Jew. After I converted, I realized what a strain the whole Christmas extravaganza had been, especially after I had moved away from the religious meaning of it all.
At this time of year, I’m generally very glad to confine myself to candles and latkes, but still I do miss the twinkling lights, smell of pine in the house, unwrapping and hanging the ornaments. My rabbi has suggested hanging the ornaments in our Sukkah (not Santa, of course), but that would mean actually erecting a Sukkah, and anyway it’s not the same.
So maybe a Solstice festival is worth a try, along with the Jewish tradition of Chinese food and a movie!
Oh crap. The entire Fiddler on the Roof soundtrack is now stuck in my head!
My family is “technically” Christian, but we aren’t religious. So our Christmas is definitely on the secular side. Every year I am determined to enjoy the process, rather than stress out about the mountain of tasks to be done. Every year I don’t manage to do it.
I feel that this Christmas may be an ending, in some ways; my mom is elderly and declining, although fairly healthy, but if she’s still with us physically next year, I’m not sure she’ll be with us mentally. And my oldest child will be off to college, so that’s another big shift in the family dynamics.
Luckily, my kids had early dismissal from high school today (exam week) so my youngest is making the first batch of cookies as we speak! Now if I could only make some progress on the Christmas cards….I have to write some for my mom too, because she can’t write any more, and at her age, if her friends don’t receive a card from her, they’ll think she died! We laugh so we don’t cry…
This year will be especially hard having lost my brother, my only sibling in April. As a single never married nester with no children, I also feel a bit “lost” at holiday time. This year, rather than traditional red and green, I decorated in white and turquoise. But, it is good to keep some traditions alive like the seven fishes on Christmas Eve.
I find myself less and less interested in the hooplah that surrounds the holidays, and I have to admit that this year I’m feeling Grinchier than ever.
Next year, and I’m serious about this, I’m thinking Christmas on a tropical island with rummy drinks might just about be my style.
Our Christmas traditions:
1. Going to church to thank God for the gift of his Son.
2. Decorating a tree with ornaments collected over many years.
3. Opening gifts on Christmas morning.
4 Breakfast with a special coffee cake made by my mother and now by me. When I asked her why she chose it, she said because it’s easy to make and I could make it ahead of time. True.
The rest of it changes from year to year, and sometimes we haven’t gotten numbers 2 through 4 done because of circumstances, but number 1 remains the first and most important. It is what gives “comfort and joy.”
As a religious person, I find myself resenting all the commercial hoopla of the holiday, along with all the expectations of others. I find myself wanting to go to church on Christmas Eve and then have quiet day with whatever family is on hand. This year it will be me and my husband, our younger son (age 28) and my elderly mother.
What I detest is the pressure to produce a grand Christmas dinner. I like casual and fun–others have expected prime rib and yorkshire pudding.
My wish is for all of you to have the holiday you REALLY want to have–not the one others may impose upon you. Does this make any sense?
Booze and Toy Guns! Whoohoo! Good times. I will be stringing my 6 foot long string of green and yellow cactus lights in my den window. I wish I still had some hot chili pepper lights. Or better yet, assorted dinosaur lights.
That last picture looks like a short story! I can’t stop looking at it. I am not one for writing fiction and yet an entire narrative came to mind from that amazing picture. Also love you in the surrey!
Tabitha – thank you! I plan to do some hall decking this weekend.
Carol – I do too! Celebrating the rhythms of nature and the cosmos has always appealed to me.
materfamilias – thanks, and thank you for your post yesterday! I think the lemon trees might be a bit too heavy to drag inside (the pots are quite large) but I have some ideas I’m going to investigate this weekend. If nothing else, some pretty candles in crystal candleholders on the mantle!
hostess – I’ve decided that I’m going to start hosting a New Year’s Eve open house. It’s an “unclaimed” holiday within my extended family, and I can make it as simple or elaborate as my mood dictates.
Nomi – thank you so much. I LOVE that poem!!
La Belette Rouge – yep, it’s pretty surreal!
Duchesse – yes, it is bittersweet, which is why I think it makes us long for a sense of continuity. My goal is to create traditions that are fulfilling, but don’t require driving myself crazy.
erisagal – I’m with you, I don’t miss the frenzy but I miss the festiveness. Hanging ornaments at Sukkot just wouldn’t do it for me either.
WendyB – ya be de be de be de be de be de be de be deeeee!
Jill Ann – it sounds as though your holiday traditions are also in transition, or will be. Maybe it’s an opportunity to create the kind of holiday you want?
Carmie – I’m so sorry for your loss. It does make the holidays very hard sometimes. Your turquoise and white decorations sound lovely.
Rubiatonta – if that’s what floats your boat, you should do it!
SewingLibrarian – your traditions sound very lovely and meaningful.
Susan – I’m glad you’re resisting the pressure to make a big fancy dinner. Sometimes a bowl of chili and a game of cards is just the ticket.
citizen spot – I know, right? Any idea who the kid in the background is?
Tiffany – I agree that the efforts we make out of desire rather than obligation are the most rewarding. I hope you and your family have exactly the holiday you want.
This struck a chord with me. We had some great Christmases when I was a kid (although my parents were atheists), but not a strong sense of tradition or continuity, especially once they divorced. For my kids, I really do want it to be a special time (even if I bucked the live tree this year) – I like the celebration of family, the food, the decorating, the crafting (did I mention the food?) … Mater’s right about not letting yourself be overwhelmed by obligation, but when you do it because you want to, it’s wonderful.
I had a “surrey with the fringe on top”. I dont recall anyone else having one. Thanks for the memories.