Dare To Dream Small

Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet
Farm girl on no-name horse wins Important Race – Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet

We live in a culture that celebrates the stars, the Big Winners. King of the Hill, Top of the Heap. Multi-billion dollar IPO’s. Olympic Gold Medals. Steeplechase Winners. We don’t acknowledge the plodders, the part-timers, the dabblers.

I started thinking about this after I wrote yesterday’s reminiscence about my love of horses. And I’ll confess, when I’ve thought about getting back into that horsey world, the knowledge of what it takes financially and time-wise to actually keep a horse has stopped that dream dead in its tracks. There’s just no way to make that work with my life right now. But last night I realized, why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can’t I start small, the way I did over half a century ago, with a weekly riding lesson? (Or bi-weekly, or monthly if that’s all I can manage?) Why do some of us feel that unless we can throw ourselves 110% into any undertaking it’s not worth doing? Or not even recognize the option to dabble?

I think the message we get from the media, and really just about everywhere is that we always need to Dream Big. To not accept limitations. To never settle. And that can be downright intimidating. Maybe some of us have smaller contributions we can make now, and that’s perfectly OK. Maybe smaller dreams are a step toward achieving larger dreams, or maybe they’re just a way that we can acknowledge our financial, physical or time constraints, but still honor our desires and aspirations. If you’ve always longed to travel, do you settle for nothing less than a trip around the world, or is perhaps exploring a nearby city you’ve never visited a way to feed your travel bug? Maybe you long to go back to school for an advanced degree, but one class a semester is all you can manage. I have to believe that it’s better to at least take baby steps toward a goal or something we love, knowing full well that baby steps may be all we ever take than to never take that wobbly step.

There will always be a place in the world for the Big Dreamers, those who shoot the moon. But isn’t it just as limiting to feel that we have to approach every interest or venture as an all or nothing proposition? A shift in perspective could be freeing: that the doing is the important part, and not the achieving, that we get back to what’s interesting and enjoyable at whatever level we can manage it.

So I say, dare to dream small. Do what you love: what you can with what you have. And don’t worry about where you’re going with it.

What about you? Do you have big dreams that might be broken down into smaller, more do-able steps?

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40 Comments

  1. I completely agree. Employers want Total Commitment. Parents find that any activity their kids do requires Total Commitment. Volunteer efforts require Total Commitment. Exercise and diet programs require Total Commitment. There are just not enough hours in the day to give 110% to everything. However I think this is an American trait, I spent 6 weeks in Australia this summer on a work assignment and things are very different down there.

  2. I have dreamed small my entire life. All the big dreams were quickly thwarted in some way. (not whining, just stating it truthfully- sometimes entirely my fault!!) But…..I am so much better for it. For let me tell you, that “small” dream, if treated with respect, can fill your entire waking moments with inspiration, meaning, and soon you forget all about the big whooshy stuff. You will catch yourself being happy.

  3. I’m a terrible all or nothing person, often to my detriment, I see a bridge and just burn it.
    That film was the root cause of my going to bed with my hair in rags for years, my mum was hellbent on my having ringlets.

  4. I think you’ve hit on a good idea. I’d wager that $400 spent on actual riding lessons will be more energizing than a Hermes scarf with horse stuff designed to make you feel equestrian.

  5. When we are very young we dream big as we get a little older the reality of our dreams don’t work in our lives, but that doesn’t mean we don’t make adjustments. When you are take the riding lesson enjoy the moment and think by not owning the horse, you have all that extra money to actually do more riding.:0)

  6. Bon jour. As a former equestrian myself I cant agree more. Why not take a monthly trail ride or lesson? Sounds much better than a trip to the gym and probably takes a like amount of time. What could be better for the mind and the body?. I have also considered a partial lease option on a four legged companion. Hmmmmm….would have to update the boots and riding apparel however!!!

  7. I love your blog and I think this is my favorite post yet. It really speaks to me and my world. I think my natural being is to “think small”, but I live in a professional culture, and my kids are in a school culture, of “All In, All The Time.” It’s exhausting physically and emotionally, and ultimately unsatisfying.

    A well-known knitting blogger (ok, well-known in the knitting community), Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, aka The Yarn Harlot, has talked about the small things that each of us can do that add up to so much. She talked about it in terms of donations to Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders, and she made the analogy to knitting, through which really amazing (and big) things are made up of thousands of little stitches, each of which on their own are inconsequential.

    That’s kind of what I’m thinking about in terms of your post. We all don’t have to do big things, and think that we have “failed” if we don’t do them – we can each do our small things. They can bring as much happiness and good to ourselves and others as the big things.

  8. Great post and very inspiring! I think probably for most of us, the big dreams can be overwhelming – it’s often difficult to see how we will get from here to there. But accepting smaller dreams often gets us there just as fast, but perhaps down a slightly easier path…

  9. I agree. I also find the obssession with everything ‘extreme’ to be tedious. Extreme sports, extreme dieting, extreme makeovers, and on an on. Every movie has to have bigger and better special effects than the last. Whatever happened to a good story? Those movies are few and far between now. All of this overkill has me longing for simple in every aspect of my life.

  10. Dream small is also good for coping with the ordinary challenges of life, caring for a family member, dealing with work challenges, etc. It’s also a great way to challenge the endless consumerism that our culture seems to be so entranced with. A frog or ladybug has just as much place in the universe as the elephant or whale.

  11. As a girl, I read books from my mother’s girlhood library about a fictional character named Beverly Gray. She was a foreign correspondent who travelled the world having adventures and writing about them. I didn’t know how you got that job. I became a mum and a teacher-librarian. I read about interesting places and taught French to 10 year olds. Now, I am living my dream and writing about my travels. If you find the time for a riding lesson, the rest will take care of itself. Today’s blog probably strikes a chord with many women who feel that “the big dream got away.” It is never too late to break the dream into manageable pieces. Carpe diem!

  12. I think we each, individually decide the size of the dream…because only we understand our reality. My big dream finds me overseeing a publication, a magazine…my reality is so pleased to be overseeing a blog!! Blogging has brought me closer to my dreams….and for me that is enough…the joy I have received there has been very fulfilling. If somewhere were to attempt to rob my joy by saying the dream isn’t big enough…GO FOR THE TOP AND RUN A MAGAZINE…my reality which includes finances, age, family…says different. I encourage women to start small…start with a manageable, obtainable dream. Do not sit and do nothing…go for the small and enjoy every minute of it…the joy will allow you to feel as if you hit a bigger mark.

  13. I agree with talking baby steps towards participating in something new. There is power in simply starting. Taking the first step and then continuing at whatever pace that is possible has the ability to open doors and create magic.

  14. Great post! This is what I’ve done all my life, I’d say in retrospect, although I didn’t really think of it that way with each step. Rather, I think I felt as if I were compromising, doing things partway, and yet doing them because I couldn’t resist. So I managed to finish a number of degrees and a diploma while home with my kids. And I got a full-time position in my field even though it’s not at a big-name research uni. We first went to Paris for a week because we really wanted to travel but couldn’t coordinate vacation time or budget for anything more. That baby step turned into an annual expedition, which may not be The Big Dream of living in France, but it makes me pretty happy overall.
    Etc. etc. I still, occasionally, look at those women who dreamed and achieved the Big Dreams, but I’m surprised to realize what I did through the smaller steps. And I still have a few decades left. And a few dreams. So do you, obviously, and I’ll be curious to see if how you add riding into the rich mix that your life already is.

  15. Love this post. Baby steps can take you a long way over time, in so many areas of life.

    On another topic entirely, just want to let you know that due to a flood of unwanted ‘related pins’ on Pinterest, I’m no longer following you or anyone else. Hope you continue to post all the really great stuff here – I’ld hate to miss out!

  16. Thank you; I just love this. I tend to think in “black or white”, “all or nothing” thinking and this resonates with me. It is less intimidating and is much more encouraging to allow for trying different things! In fact, I was just remarking to some friends, that I haven’t gone exploring my local communities but long for NYC, Paris (which I will always long for)! My local towns and cities would be a lovely place to start. Merci!! xox

  17. Very wise words. So important to keep perspective on what is realistic – to dream, but not to make ourselves crazy in our dreaming, in what we do or don’t accomplish, and also to appreciate what we have.

  18. I offer this quote, with apologies for not attributing it because I don’t know where it came from.

    “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

    To me, even though this talks about boldness (so maybe it implies the Big Dream), it also works for the Little Dream. Just begin it, take that first step.

    —Jill Ann

  19. Thank you, this is just what I needed to read at this moment in my life when my husband’s health is not good. My dreams must be small.

  20. Absolutely! Your thoughts are akin to my recent post on the joys of incompetence and the trap of doing nothing you aren’t already good at. While most people who have achieved world-beating things did dream big (and did not listen to anyone who tried to stop them) there is joy and a satisfaction in accomplishing scalable and attainable goals.

    “What consiitutes a “big dream” is relative. A friend published a book of short stories after she turned 50. For many this would be a big dream; for her it was only a mid-sized one.

  21. There is nothing wrong with saying “I dabble in it”. Being an expert may sound nice, but it’s paints you into a very tight corner… nice post.

  22. I love this post. It is exactly what I need to read right now. I need to better appreciate small achievements and small pleasures. Thank you.

  23. This is one of the best posts I have read on any blog in awhile. Wow! The comments have been fascinating too. It’s interesting that so many people have said your words have come at just the right time for them. I feel the same way! When I was doing a lot of running, training for races, I remember loving that I never expected to win a race, I never expected to be a professional runner, I just wanted to participate, I just wanted to get better as a runner and to be able to complete a marathon. I always expected everything else in my life to lead to something bigger, but for running it was enough for me to just do it.

    My son’s transition to middle school has been so tough, for him and for me, that your post reminds me that I need to keep my goals and dreams on the small side for now. It has also reminded me that in the past I have found that to be not only okay, but quite fulfilling!

    Thanks for a thoughtful and provocative post. XO, Jill

  24. You said so beautifully what I’ve been feeling for some time. Instagram is full of well meaning contributors to this new obsession of “following your dream”. It’s interesting that these dreams are always seemingly realized with financial success and a public presence. Or goals….we’re supposed to be goal oriented. Fight for our goals. Fitness goals, financial goals, career goals. “Never settle” has stopped being motivational and has moved into downright discouragement. I do think this is a bit of an American trait and one that I just don’t have. You’re so right. All of us have our own individual time, financial, health or other constraints. And the problem with this “Dreams or bust” attitude is that it can discourage from doing anything. It can take the joy out of a once joyous action because it starts to measure it. What’s so wrong with dabbling? What happened to doing what we enjoy just because we enjoy it without the motivation of turning it into “success”. The older I get, the more I appreciate simplicity. Pleasure. Imagination. And the idea that those can be ends in themselves, not a means to an end. Anyway, FABULOUS post! Thanks for such soothing and encouraging words! Hugs! Serene

  25. My sister has always loved horses, and, like you, lost touch with that life as her own changed. In the past couple of years, though, she started riding again, and now owns a horse again. She’s happy, and she’s even gotten her husband enthused. He finds it relaxing to give Jackson a good grooming…so everyone benefits. Go take a lesson, you won’t regret it!

  26. I love this post – for me, this has nothing to do with horses, though. I have a big dream (I’m writing a specialized curriculum), but due to how big the project is and some health diagnoses piled on along the way, I have had to think in extremely small chunks. I have been working on it for 2.5 years . . . and I think I will be even more proud when it’s finished because I have stuck with the process even when it was slow. A friend recently loaned me the book: “One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way,” by Robert Maurer, and it describes how it’s easier to make sustainable and meaningful changes if we do it in small manageable bites. Now I will just pretend I was doing things that way on purpose!

    -Christie

    P.S. Thanks for your book – I love it! The writing is excellent, the topics are fascinating, and the cover art is adorable! I have it sitting out on my coffee table because it’s like a pretty piece of candy (except non-fattening!)

  27. YES! I rode as a teenager, hadn’t ridden in 30 years, and recently took lessons for 2 months so I could go on a horseback riding tour of the Scottish Highlands. It was thrilling to ride again. I thought people would treat me as a dilettante because I didn’t have a horse and wasn’t going to get into doing shows, but I didn’t find that to be the case at all. 1 lesson a week and see how it goes!!!!!

  28. One of the best & most encouraging thing I’ve read in a long time! I always taks lots of baby steps in all my adventures & it suits me just fine, so thank you.

  29. Fabulous post and I love the comments as well. I too struggle with all the goal setting and the overall vibe that only big dreams are dreams that count. I think “Dream Small” might become my new mantra!

  30. Late to the “party” – just read this post and loved it. We need to give ourselves permission to dream “small” (and thank you for doing just that). The satisfaction of completing a first small step is enormous! Like riding again, or sewing again, or reading more, or …. blogging finally. Jennifer