Truth In Advertising
Back when mon mari and I were house hunting, we soon came up with our own definitions for the desciptive terms in the real estate listings.
—Cozy: rooms the size of a broom closet
—Charming: hasn’t been remodeled since the 70’s
—Unique layout: the master bedroom is between the kitchen and pantry
—Great backyard: tear this puppy down and start over
—Convenient location: your back fence is three feet from the the back of a strip mall.
—Quaint: you will need to replace all of the pipes, electrical system, foundation, flooring, ceilings…see also “Great backyard”
—Room to spare: this floor plan makes less sense than the Winchester Mystery House.
—European charm: save money for some armoires, closet space is negligible
Clothing retailers have their own euphemistic lingo too.
—Body conscious: you’ll spend the entire evening tugging various bits back into place and hiding behind your date
—Slim fit, slim leg: fuggedaboudit, Thunder Thighs!
—Gathered empire waist: “when’s the blessed event?”
—Flirty: see,”Daddy Likey: Don’t Show-cha Your Chocha“
—Loose fit, boxy fit, unstructured, oversized: we can’t be bothered to even try to do any tailoring or make this correspond to a size
—Very low rise: time to study for your plumber’s license!
—On trend: this will look dated in 6 weeks
—Bulky knit, chunky knit: do I really have to explain this one?
What are some of the retail buzzwords that make you go “hmmmm?”
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One Size Fits Most….most what??? And by the way, I bought that house you described 2 years ago…now I’m looking for charming ways to describe my nervous breakdown…
hah…good post.
those cowgirl shirts are interesting…actually seen something like in the ralph lauren spring line.
LOL….maybe I should do a “Truth In Advertising” post about the personal profiles in online dating services like Match.com!
It seems to me every size is a euphemism. I say we all refuse to buy another article of clothing until we have universal, worldwide standardized sizing!!! What do you say, ladies??? Who’s with me? Ladies?…
Great post! You nailed it perfectly.
Mine…
“Contemporary” = higher priced junior clothes (for my body anyway)
“Try Eileen Fisher” = Please, cover up your body completely, for all of our sakes
“you just need Spanx” = and a tummy tuck and liposuction
(However, not all of Eileen Fisher is bad, and some of their pieces seem wearable)
Christine
“Cotton cashmere”: it’s one, it’s the other, cotton is NOT cashmere
“Soft as cashmere”: synthetic
“Relaxed”: baggy, sexless
“Classic”: Looks just like what you already bought
“Investment dressing”: Gaspingly expensive
“Silky”: polyester
“Washable blend”: Cotton/poly blend that will pill
“Easy care”: If you work in the dark you can get away without ironing it
“Flaunt your curves”: cut skimpily
Not a big fan of the “chunky” knit either.
Hahahahahaha AWESOME definitions 🙂
At Neiman Marcus, and perhaps other stores, “classic” fit means you get to wear a size 6; “modern” fit means you can’t squeeze into a 12.
Fantastic post! You’re a great writer Pseu.
I hate” One Size Fits All.” BULL. It works for the “Snuggy” but not for most other ‘fashions’.
Great post. Mine is the phrase “Must Have (fill in the blank) of the season!” I take it to mean overpriced item you will tire of instantly. (See “On Trend”.)
“This seasons Must-Have” there is no such thing!
One size fits all (size 2)
I once went to a client’s house and their bath and shower, I kid you not, were in the middle of the kitchen – no walls, just there.
HAHAHAHA! Oh, this totally made my day. I mean really, doesn’t “body conscious” translate to “shrink wrap”?
Love this post!!!!
These are all so true! And thank you for linking to Daddy Likey’s “Chocha” posts. I’ve never laughed so hard!
Fabulous post and I think you’re right on target. I agree with Duchesse about “cotton cashmere” and I know otherwise intelligent people who think that it means cashmere can be made from cotton.
This had me literally in tears, I was laughing so hard. Also love love love the comment about “Try Eileen Fisher.” HILARIOUS.
And thanks for the shoutout, daahhhling!