Reframing Style: Dressing with Confidence, Not Correction
I’m a great believer in the power of language, especially the words we use about ourselves. Too often, we talk about our bodies in terms of what’s “wrong” or needs “fixing,” which can quietly chip away at our confidence and joy in getting dressed. I sometimes receive questions like, “How do I hide my stomach?” or “What’s the best way to camouflage my arms?” And I get it; we all have areas we may feel less enthusiastic about. But framing our style choices around hiding or correcting sends a message to ourselves that we need to disappear or apologize.
What if we shifted the language, and the mindset? Instead of “camouflage,” how about “de-emphasize”? It’s a subtle change, but one that speaks to intention and self-respect. In that spirit, I’ve pulled together some ideas and picks that are comfortable, stylish, and work with rather than against our evolving bodies.
Style confidence over 50
One of the areas that I’m most often asked about de-emphasizing is the stomach. Many of us experience weight shifts with menopause, and may find our waistlines getting softer and thicker, and our our abdomens more rounded, with or without a change in weight. I’ll go out on a limb here and say, this is normal. (Though our ageist, sexist cultural beauty standards have yet to get the memo.)
But we may wish to dress in a way that doesn’t call attention to it. Shapewear is one solution, (though not the one I’d personally choose). Layering can help create create visual interest that keeps the eye moving, but may not be comfortable in warmer months. My suggestion for summer and early fall would be lightweight printed tops. Look for cuts that aren’t too voluminous, and can be worn un-tucked. Length will depend on your proportions, but generally the hem should hit somewhere between high hip and leg break (where legs meet the torso. If you’re petite like me, you may need to shorten tops.
And rather than a skinny pant silhouette, try a bootcut, flare, or fuller-leg style to help balance proportions.
If you’re looking for lightweight, flattering tops that help de-emphasize the midsection without adding bulk, I’ve included some stylish suggestions below.
Learning to dress with kindness toward ourselves doesn’t mean ignoring preferences or skipping over style challenges. It simply means making choices from a place of self-respect and comfort, not fear or judgment. Because style should feel like self-expression, not self-erasure.
What words or style shifts have helped you feel more confident in your clothes? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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I wore pencil skirts for years as part of my professional apparel. Now that I am in my mid-60’s, I have embraced softer silhouettes and less binding skirt tops. And I love the shift dress more than ever!!!
Thanks for this post, Susan. Fashion has been a challenge for me and my apple shape over the last few years. Wide leg pants are a plus, but cropped tops, Breton strips and jackets just add emphasis where it’s not needed. Don’t know that I’ve shifted, but hopefully the brands have. I’ve been delighted to see longer jackets showing this fall. Now if horizontal stripes could just take a break….
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today.
Preach! I meant to commend your comment the other day about showing arms and those that did not like it can look away. That’s where I am. I’ve always had a round tummy, it’s how I’m built. I’m done constantly trying to dress to be tall and slim-two things I’ll never be. I’m more comfortable in my own skin at age 59 than I have ever been. I admire Gen Z. They wear what they want. They inspired me to wear leggings and a more fitted tank to the gym the other day. Yes my stomach was not flat. But as my son says at least you’re there pumping iron. It was empowering !
Every word you said, Shari!!! I too am 59 and feeling good in my own skin. I’ve always had a rounded tummy but, if I may say so, great legs. I’ve stopped trying to be some body shape I’m not and – as my dear mother would say (sing, actually) – “accentuate the positive.” So I’m still wearing shorter skirts and shorts, with the exact type of top that Susan is describing here. And thank you Susan for this post, which validates the choices I’ve been making (and questioning at times) and provides great advice on where the top should end.
I enjoy reading your fashion posts. I’m small too and it’s helpful to see styles on a petite frame. But even more, I admire your writing—articulate, eloquent and upbeat. Thanks!
Like Sharon, I’m petite and so appreciate seeing fashion on a smaller frame.
And I wholeheartedly agree about your writing, Susan. It’s not simply about the skillful use of language, although it certainly is skillful; the content you share is thoughtful, kind and wise. De-emphasize? I’ll take it! I’m thinking of framing your last paragraph and hanging it near my closet.
Susan, your writing and thoughts are always on point! For me, at 76, in the sweltering months, I say, sleeveless! It may not be pretty, but I’m cool! Comfort has to play a part in every day existence. I so enjoy your style and posts. Merci!
There is so much here to think about. The important thing as you said is self-expression not self-erasure. I think self-acceptance comes first, and this is really hard as one ages, especially as changes can come fast and furious. Words are important (note how we all now talk about pre-owned vs used cars), but “de-emphasize” still starts from a place of criticism, right? Accentuating the positive feels like a more powerful message. Learning what clothes to wear to ameliorate imperfections is helpful, just the way wearing our best colors is helpful. But the real issue here, for us, is age. We can try to de-emphasize its effects; we can accept it, or we can struggle with it. I’ll fall back to what my father used to say, that no matter the issues with aging, it sure beats the alternative.
I agree on de-emphasize still being a bit problematic. But the goal is worthy. I very much appreciate this post and how we can talk more gently with ourselves about our bodies and lives. I like the word accommodate…
I take your point but… even “accentuating the positive” conveys the idea that there are negatives to take into account! (Oh we are such a judgmental species.)
Ageism is a tricky “ism” to oppose as it is rooted in reality based fears of the increases in infirmity and mortality that are associated with advancing years. But in addition to de-emphasizing, accepting and struggling with the changes in our bodies we can choose to “accentuate the positive” (as you suggest) by focusing instead on the increasing maturity of our attitudes towards self and others.
Many years ago, I read an article about the actress Joan Crawford and, I believe, the Hollywood designer Adrian who dressed her for movies. Adrian said that Joan Crawford had very broad shoulders and instead of hiding them, he added shoulder pads to her clothes and shoulder pads became the next style wave. From that I learned the dressing principle of “accentuate the positive” (whatever that is for one’s personal style). I could never totally eliminate the negative (a tummy) so I try to accentuate the positive (color, the neckline…).
I agree with Susan and all the positive comments, but just want to say that accepting our body types and the changes that come with age also means accepting the importance of exercise and a healthy diet. I find it heart-breaking to observe friends who struggle with weight and the subsequent effects on their health making excuses for a lack of self-care. Loving ourselves also means doing our best to stay healthy.
Hi Dianne, I agree we need to take care of ourselves, and this will look different for everyone. Too often, we equate thinness with healthiness, which isn’t always a given. I work out for strength, stamina, stability, and to maintain lean body mass. I’ll never be thin, but I can maintain as much functional fitness as possible.
When we moved to the SW Florida a few years ago, I knew I was going to have to break down and wear shorts. It had been many years. I always felt my legs were not thin enough or too white or had too many spider veins. I admit I caved to beauty standards a bit and started using a good sunless tanner, but it gave me the confidence to get into shorts (or just above the knee skirts and dresses) and wear them 5 months of the year. I am sooo much more comfortable now and really glad that I don’t get hyper focused on the imperfections any longer.
Hi Kelly, I’m glad you’ve embraced and feel comfortable with a style that suits you and your environment.
These are important words to live by. I am 77 and listen to colleagues be self critical of their bodies when in fact they are fit and healthy. It is a habit people fall into when the mirror is only used to look for “flaws” that must be there?
Yes, we have a responsibility to live the best life we can, whatever that looks like individually, but we also need to change the narrative. If you are living your best life embrace who you are because it isn’t anyone’s business. Others are too busy thinking either how great they look or feeling down; neither have anything to do with you!
Thanks very much, Joyce! I do think it gets easier over the years to stop worrying about what others are thinking.
Thank you for this important post. Your taste is so wonderful, Susan. Although my driver’s license says my hair is gray (and I do love the color gray in clothing), I prefer to think of my hair as silver. That tiny change helps me to embrace what is a very nice hair color.
Oh yes, the driver’s license. I’ve gone naturally from blonde to brunette to silver/grey (catch that wink?) but my license still says blonde. How do they know I didn’t just dye it? In my defense, it did say blonde when I dyed it auburn and it could change again. I dare them to question me.
Thanks very much, Mary! I kept having my license auto-renew for about 20 years, long past the time I was a “redhead!” 😉
I enjoy your writing, Susan. “Because style should feel like self-expression, not self-erasure.” You’re a wordsmith. And I needed to “hear” this.
Thx.
Thanks very much, Linda!
You have no idea how much I needed and appreciated this message today, Susan. Thank you for always leading with kindness and encouraging self-acceptance.
Hi Michelle, thanks! I’m so glad it was helpful.
Great post. So many mature women need to hear this. Societal pressure to become invisible post menopause is pervasive and so it’s no wonder we use such words to further erase the ‘unacceptable’ bits of ourselves. I’m not immune to an overwhelming urge to disguise my midriff and your question really got me thinking about alternative language.
So when I choose what I’m going to wear I’m going to try and focus on what I want to emphasise not what’s want to conceal. Finding my three word style description (classic, edgy, colour) and my colours (bright winter) helped too as I tend to focus on that rather than concealment.
Thanks, Maureen! I think it really does help to focus on what we want to express/highlight.
I love your ‘word shift’! I’m going full-throttle and saying to myself, “what do I want to emphasize or celebrate? I need positive affirmations a LOT…and while I’m dressing is my first line of armor!
Thanks, Téa!
I think I have always been pretty confident. So I cannot think of any style shifts or words. But these days I usually think: “You are not me, there are so many people with so many tastes…I cannot please everyone. But I do please myself.
Greetje
Yes, your confidence is one of the things I’ve most admired about you! No Fear, right? 😉